Alyssa & Sierra

Sierra has a good week.

2010-02-20T15:15:00.002-06:00

This has been an eventful year so far. The girls walking and putting on weight, doctor's, doctor's and more doctors, and all we have discovered has made this a rather interesting year.

On Wednesday, we had another foot doctor's appointment (how could you have guessed, right? LOL). The best part is that we got to show the doctor that Sierra is now walking. Not like you would expect from someone that has worn her shoes on the wrong feet (on purpose) all of her life. She is doing so well. Still looks a little like a drunk duck, but what can I say, it's cute.

Anyway, the doctor was able to give us some great news, I truly did not see it coming. We will not have to buy her another pair of corrective shoes. Her next pair can be regular shoes, and worn on the correct feet. I know it sounds like no big deal, but the doctors had said a minimum of 2 years to wear the corrective shoes. Our baby just proved them wrong.... Big time. Its amazing... She's amazing. It is funny, I did not cry then, but I am now. I am just so proud of her. Everything she has been through, how hard she has fought, and she gets to get out of the shoes.

Then, while we were there, when he told her that she could get out of the shoes, she did her drunk duck walk over to him sitting on his stool and gives his leg a hug. She had a huge smile on her face and just gave me that look that said, "See mommy, I did it again. I beat another record, I proved another prediction wrong". How can you not be proud of her? She truly is amazing.

Sierra has had so many battles, and she still has 2 more to beat. I know she will, but I am still a mommy. I will worry until they are behind us. Good news has been a long time coming, and it sure is sweet. It truly makes me feel proud to be her mommy. I have a little girl that reminds me to keep a smile on and fight, and you can accomplish anything. She definitely gives me that kick in the face, because when I think I can't fight on, I just think of her, her battles, her spirit, and I am reminded that she has overcome so much, and she is still fighting and enjoying every second she gets.

She hardly ever complains, she almost always has a smile on. And she wants to try, and get into, everything. She is curious, she is determined, she is what she was named after. Sierra. The mountains in California, beautiful, strong, resilient. She is my hero.

The movers & the shakers

2010-01-31T13:02:00.004-06:00

Just wanted to show how mobile they have become. Our girls both love to dance. Their favorite song is "The Hot Dog Dance" from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. (Which happens to also be their favorite show. But, as you can see, they will pretty much dance to anything.

Sierra is also finally walking, so I thought I would show you a little of where they are at now.

Update and Photos from Christmas

2010-01-26T21:19:00.004-06:00

I know that it has been a while. It seems that since lately I can not find time to even think. I just wanted to give a few photos and an update.

Alyssa and Sierra are now both walking. It is exciting for me to see. Especially Sierra, since if we had not got her feet corrected, she would not be walking now. I am very pleased that she is. It is still more of a toddle, but it is definately a start.

Also, she has gained weight again, and is now 18 pounds 5 ounces.

Alyssa is also doing well. She has been graduated out of the Sooner Start program as she is up to speed developmentally with most children her age. She is 20 pounds, which while it is still little, she is no longer drastically under weight.

This past year with the program has done wonders. I know that they would not have made all of this progress unless I had been able to stay home. I was not able to do so, so I am thankful every day that this program was available to us and has done wonders for our family. I can not begin to say thank you for the help that has been given, and for everyone's support. We have a few more hurdles to overcome with Sierra.

We still do not know if Sierra has a permanent problem with her nerves or not. This we still have to wait until April to find out. Also, she is holding down more of her food and is making progress every two weeks with her weight. We have to go see her foot doctor soon, so I keep praying for good new there as well. Only time is going to tell any problems she may have, but I hope she always knows that Gary and I love her with all of our hearts. We will just keep doing what we are as it does seem to work for her.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the photos from Christmas. Enjoy, and thank you for your support and prayers for our children. I truely believe in the power of prayer. I wish each and everyone of you the best of luck for this new year. May God bless and keep each one of you. May God look after every child, and help the people in Haiti recover from the distruction of the quake.

(Above) Sierra just loves to open presents. I think it is more tearing paper.

(Below) Sierra shows off one of may Berienstein Bear books. "No sister, it's MINE"

(Above) Alyssa and Sierra look at the pictures in more books. They got a total of 15 Bear books, as well as many other types of books too.

(Below) Alyssa at first was not sure what to do, but it did not take long for her to catch on.

(Above) Alyssa in her play pen with her new toy, a My Pal Violet(r) by LeapFrog. They love this toy, and it is eductional. I know she is going to hate this picture in about 14 to 15 years, but you have to have one of these types don't you. Look at that face! :)

Alyssa Walking with Pushcar

2009-11-16T21:00:00.004-06:00

Our Honeymoon Adventure

2009-11-14T16:14:00.005-06:00

During our trip just happened to be Mexican Independence day. The Hotel threw a big celebration, as you can see below.

During the celebration, there were many different local artists. Here is one of their work. It was absolutly gorgeous.

At the hotel, it was also a wildlife preserve in some areas too. The animals were just amazing.

The first pictures are on the catamaran. As you can see, I may have had a little too much to drink.

Yes, Gary and I swam with a shark, seen below.

This was an unexpected site at the airport.

Well, I guess that is enough for now. Needless to say, we had much fun and was able to come back home well rested, and knowing that my dad and Anne, as well as their many visitors, had a great time getting to know the girls.

14 months and counting

2009-11-14T15:33:00.007-06:00

It is kind of hard to believe that my girls are already almost 15 months old. Alyssa has taken her first few steps, and Sierra is learning to climb, as you can see in the video below.

It is amazing looking at where they have come from (just born at the hospital)

to where they are now. (Sierra & Alyssa on Grandpa Hall's (my dad's) lap before our honeymoon).They continue to grow as this year has passed very fast. Both girls are learning to walk, and earlier this week, Alyssa took her first step. As soon as I get a video of that, I will post it. I will also post the pictures of their birthday as soon as I get them from my inlaw's. (Hopefully Today.)

Gary and I finally got to go on our honeymoon. We went to Cancun. Actually, our hotel was at Playa del Carmen, a smaller, less populated resort area on the ocean. It was actually quite beautiful. While there, we took some risks. Our trip also happened to fall on Mexican Independence Day. Look at the next post to see photos of the trip and a few videos from the trip.

Almost 1 & new accomplishments

2009-08-07T18:07:00.010-05:00

Goodness, I can not believe that almost 1 year has passed since my girls were born. It is hard to believe that that much time has passed. I just wanted to mainly share a couple new videos and a few more photos. They are growing so fast.

Above: Shannon and Sierra in Dallas at Shaun's House.

Below: Jessica and Alyssa in Dallas at Shaun's House.

Also, my mom loved her photos that we gave her for her wedding present. Congrats Mom & Robbie.

And here is the girls' new accomplishments.

New Thoughts on old phrases

2009-07-23T23:42:00.003-05:00

I know it is strange, and many are wanting to know about how Sierra is doing, but that is not on my mind most nights. I sit and think about how much of a gift my girls are, how big they are getting, and how proud I am of them. In thinking about this tonight, I remember an old phrase that God does not give you what you can not handle.

I have started to think that I do not believe this. Now, just listen. If God gave us only what we could handle, would our limits be pushed? Would we discover just how much strength we have? How much we have to gain? To loose? Would he put special children like Kaden, Ava, and Sierra in the world knowing how much it hurts their parents in wanting to help them but knowing that in may ways they can't? For these reasons, I do not believe God only gives what we can handle. It is in those times that we have to turn to Him for strength. It is in those times that we lean on him and our faith in Him is renewed. I am not saying that any of the above is bad. I remember the Footprints poem, and how the story is that the man was walking on the beach looking at the sky of pictures of his life. When the man looked back, during the hard times, he sees that there are only one set of prints. In questioning God as to the one set, God responds that it was then He was carrying the man. If the man had not had those difficult times, he would not have turned to God because he would not have had a reason to.

I have come to believe that God pushes all of us beyond what we can handle, so he is capable of helping us through it the first time, leaving behind additional strength so we are capable of handling it as each time comes. I also believe, for parents like Amy and Nate, that they are on speed dial. Otherwise He would not leave such blessings in their care without providing support from Him. I honestly believe that He gives us these special children, not as a worry, or as a something to weaken us, but to give us our faith in Him again and remind us that Life is worth fighting for, because that is what these special children do every day, they fight.

Sierra has a problem. There, I said it. We do not know what it is, and the waiting on test results, and on the ability to take tests, is killing me a little each day. I just want to be able to have her have a normal babyhood, and childhood. I want her to develop and grow normally. Unfortunately this is not happening. I hurt for her. I don't know if she is hurting, because, no matter what, she is smiling. She lights up my world, and she when it becomes a little too much, she only lets out the pain and frustration for a minute, then she is back to smiling, cuddling, and playing. While her battles have been small in comparison to children like Kaden and Ava, she has had many, and I am now seeing her struggle to hold her food down. I know it hurts her when she just can not hold it down, and God knows that she tries so hard, but for some reason she is just not able to hold down all of her bottles everyday. In fact, she has an average of one bottle a day that she can not hold down. I am worried sick about her, but God has found a way to give me strength to give to her, and that is through her and her sister's joy in the little things. They are discovering the world, and I am lucky to be able to watch and re-experience it with them.

Well, I can not see the screen anymore though my tears, so I will say goodnight for now. Love and blessings to you all.

Tabby

New Picture

2009-07-13T18:28:00.003-05:00

We had pictures done recently. Here is one of the poses that was done. I will post more later.

With time comes understanding... I hope

2009-06-16T19:45:00.007-05:00

I first want to say that I am sorry that I have not posted in a while. I have been trying to finish many things, first of all my degree... YEAH I am FINALLY done. I know have my batchlor's in accounting. This is huge for me since I have been going to school while I am a mom and working. If that was not enough, we have been dealing with some more issues. (I have not participated in the ceremony, just have my cap and gown now).

Ok, that was the good news. For a while now, doctors, WIC, and the girl's SoonerStart nurse have all been concerned about Sierra. She is not gaining weight like she should. We have been trying many different things, and it has been determined that it is not in the lack of food that she eats. She is now being seen by a infant genelogist to see if it is something more serious. It is getting bad because as they do tests, they get harder on her. The first one was not so bad, they did some blood work to see if it was a hormonal imbalance. That came back negative. You would think that would make me happy, but it just makes me more scared. Because the test came back negative, she now has to undergo harder tests. I am so scared.

Sierra has two tests coming up, and I am so scared of them. I try not to let her know because I do not want her to pick them up, plus her smiles let me forget for a while. Anyway, she has to undergo a MRI. This is not scarry except for the fact that they have to put her under anesthia. This scares me so much. I do not want them to put my daughter to sleep, even for a little while. The MRI is also on her brain. Sierra has flat skull syndrome. This means that one part of her skull is flat. The main thing is that most babies that have this have a part that pertrudes out the front or top of the head on the same side due to pressure from the skull on the brain. Apparantly, the brain shapes the skull, and this indicates that she may have a brain abnormality.

The other test is not so harsh. She has to have a ultrasound of her chest and abdomen. This does not bother me at all because this does not require her to be put to sleep. It is also very fast, unless they find something.

Other than this, the girls are doing great. Alyssa is gaining weight, and is now over 16 pounds. Her sister is only 13 pounds. They are also both almost 10 months old. They can sit up on their own, support their own weight on their feet (but no balance yet), and roll over. Sierra is a little roly poly because she just rolls everywhere. If we are not watching her closely, she rolls under the tables.

Alyssa also has a new friend, our cat. Garfield just loves her. He is always by her.

Well, that is it for now. Here are some new pictures. Again, sorry it has been so long.

The power of One

2009-04-15T23:54:00.004-05:00

Everyday I learn the power of one. I learn just how precious one second, one minute, one hour, one day can be. Each day is a new fight to fight, a new battle to win, and a new moment to share with my husband. My daughters are growing so much.
They bless my mornings with smiles. It gets me going in the mornings, and my parents can attest to how difficult that is. I am not a morning person, but I look forward to the little bit of time that I get with just them and me each morning as I get them ready for the sitters. I think they like it too. I get the biggest smiles, some giggles, and their optimism that they know today is going to be a great day.
I have always heard how having children changes your life, but you can never fully understand this until you are a parent. Each day becomes an adventure. What will my child, or in my case, children come up with today? What will they discover? What will they do that they may have never done before? Each day is a mystery that I can not wait to discover the experience of. They truly have touched my life more than anyone other than my husband. There they are tied. They have changed me. I am not afraid to speak out as much, and I am learning how to enjoy the power of one.
Each and every moment is precious. We never know just how many we have. I love my children more than anything. My girls and my husband are what keep me going many times. I just remember how very much they need me, and how I need them. They light my way when times get dark. I look at them and am amazed at how they are. They are truly happy, wonderful babies. I could not ask for more. I am so proud to be their mom, and my husband's wife.
Everyone, please remember, time is short. We think that we will always have all of the time in the world, but really, reflecting back, it is short. It seems like just yesterday we were bring the girls home, and now they are almost seven months old. I still remember being pregnant with them, feeling them move was I thought the greatest joy, but it just keeps growing.
I will be graduating soon, and so I will actually have my daughters present on the day that I graduate with my bachelor's degree. It is hectic going to school, and I hate the time away, but I look at them and know why I did it. It is for them and my husband, and me. I needed the experience and the knowledge that I completed one of my all time goals. I will have my bachelor's degree soon.
A final message before I go to bed, life is short. Embrace it and know the true power behind one minute, one hour, one moment, one day. Each is precious, and all should be treasured.

Easter, and an update on Sierra's health

2009-04-14T21:10:00.002-05:00

OK, the results from the doctor's appointment are as follows:
Sierra's weight has plateaued, her lack of gaining weight is not from lack of food or calories, so it is completely out of my control. The doctor did agree that she does have a flat spot on her head, but that she does not qualify to be sent out of state to get the corrective helmet (No one in Oklahoma makes them anymore), so all we can do about this is keep her off of her head by not allowing her to lie down or sit in seats that support her head anymore, she has to primarily be on her tummy or sit in a Bumbo seat, along with her continuing and increasing physical therapy.
The doctor also believes that she may be suffering from a genetic disorder. They do not know what one, but we will be going to a geneticist to find out in about a month.

Now for the cute news. Easter was fun. The we all went up the weekend before to see my mom. The girls each got socks, small stuffed bunnies, and the cutest thing, sunglasses. They both like wearing their sunglasses, and did not remove them when we put them on, but have found that they do not like them when they are in their car seats.
On Easter, we took them over to my in laws for a visit, and when we got home I ran to the store to get them something for Easter. I came back 16" bunnies for each of them. They love them and would not let them go.

Well, got to get back to class. Have a good night all.

Sierra, I know that you have battled and won a lot of small battles as it is, but we will be there to help you continue fighting. You, Kaden, and Ava have taught us so much about life. You three are my heroes. I love you all.

Tabby.

Sierra's Health

2009-04-07T19:04:00.002-05:00

OK, I know in my last post, I mentioned that Sierra is having a few issues.

The problem with her head is that she has hyper-tension in her neck causing her to consistently tilt her head to one side. This has caused her to have a flat spot that is worrying her nurse that is provided by Sooner Start. The nurse brought us a physical therapist to show us some exercises to try to loosen the muscle so the spot would eventually disappear. If this does not work, then she will have to be in a special helmet that will reshape her skull to a form that will not hinder her brain development.

She has another potential problem as well. Sierra did not gain enough weight this last month. In fact, she only gained 12 oz, and she should have gained more than that. She is under the 5Th percentile for her height to weight, and her age. She is going to be seen by a pediatrician tomorrow to see if it is a serious problem. If it is, she may have to have a GI tube put in to help her gain more weight. I hope she does not.

Anyway, that is a update, and I should hopefully know more tomorrow. I will let you all know.

Sierra, I love you very much, I know that you can pull through these just as well as you have through the previous issues that you have faced. Your sister and you are strong, beautiful girls that can accomplish anything you put your minds too. Mommy and Daddy love you very much. Hang in there, and keep fighting. I am praying that none of these problems really exist for you.
We love you very much,
Mommy and Daddy

Post Partum Depression

2009-03-31T19:53:00.003-05:00

This is a topic that many people do not talk about. I did not know much about it until I was diagnosed just a few months ago. I was crying for no reason, and really just felt down all the time. I love my girls, and did not have thoughts of hurting them, which is why I did not believe that I had PPD.

I found out that you do not have to have these thoughts to have PPD. The simplest way that can describe PPD is a lack of control of your emotions up to the point of emotional breakdowns and uncontrollable crying. This is what was happening to me. I would have periods where I would cry for no reason, and times where I would be angry. Most episodes occur from excess anxiety, which is why anti-anxiety medication is the first type of treatment given.

The problem that I am starting to notice is that I am still having the emotional swings. I still have occasions where my anxiety and stress build up beyond what the medication can seem to handle, and I will loose control. The feeling of loosing control is extremely scary to me. It is why I sought help. I am not ashamed to have PPD. I understand that 1 of every 2 women that have children have PPD.

Having a child is a blessing. I love my children more than I can begin to express. Having PPD in control is very important to keep it from turning into more serious complications, and keep us from potentially causing unintential harm to our children. People are so afraid to talk about this problem, however, talking about the condition and accepting it is one of the first stages to overcoming it.

While I am on medication to help this, it is still hard to control my emotions at times. The recognition of these times is vital as well. In these times, people with any kind of depression generally turn inward. Being able to communicate with others about how the individual is feeling is also important in regaining control of emotions.

I can speak personally that during my low times, I tend to become withdrawn, lose focus on what I am trying to do, and can even start to feel like I just want to give up or give in to the depression.

It is hard for me to express the feeling of being low. It is like a lack of being able to achieve happiness. Seeing the bad is normal, but dwelling on it continuously and even trying to see the good but only seeing the bad even in the good is not normal. It is a lack of seeing any good or being able to be happy even when something would normally make you that way.

Luckily for me, I have more highs than lows, but the lows really drag on me. The littlest things become larger than they really are, and the big things seem impossible. It feels like you are just bogged down, and because I will make more out of it than it really is, it breaks down my emotional barriers causing me to eventually lose control and start to cry for no reason. This is one of the major symptoms of PPD.

This is why I have tried to make positive postings. They are a way of me to look back and focus on the good that has happened by reading it over and over when I feel low. They are a way of lightening the stress that weighs me down, and makes me see that there is good. My girls are overall healthy, happy babies. Most moms couldn't ask for more than I get from them. When I hear of possible problems, like with Sierra's neck, I panick. I think what now, how can my daughter have another hurdle to jump, and forget that she is a fighter, that they are both fighters, and that it could be a whole lot worse.

So, I will continue to try to keep this upbeat, but do know that it is to help me as well. Until then, here are some new photos of my girls.

Sick Angels

2009-03-17T17:37:00.003-05:00

My girls have been sick lately, and I have to say it is not fun. First, Alyssa was coughing so horribly that, after a week of it not changing, I took her to the doctor fearing the worst. It wound up being a viral infection in her bronchial tubes that took her almost 3 weeks to get over. She is finally doing ok, but after we took her to the doctor, I wound up having to go. I have the same thing and am just now getting over it. It is not fun, and add on top of that I have bronchial asthma, so I always fear when I get sick in my bronchial tubes because it SO dangerous for me.

I guess I am just a mom, because everytime that I see my daughter's cough I fear that they are going to develop it, or that they have it and I just don't know. It seems silly to some, but I have to go about 2 to 3 times a year to the emergency room just for treatment because I can not breathe and I do not want my daughters to have to go through it too.

Well, needless to say, I am getting better, but now Sierra has it. It scares me the most with her because when she was born she had problems with her lungs. Poor kid has had the most problems out of our two. Her lungs would not fully inflate when she was born, she had club feet, she has problems holding down food to the point that she looses interest in eating afterwards. And now, she gets what her sister had, making me stir crazy because I can tell she is miserable.

Unfortuately with this going on, they both just want me. Now that Alyssa is over it, she is fine with her daddy, but Sierra fusses non-stop due to her coughing and not feeling well. Gary, of course, never did have much patience, so I have to be up all night calming her and that leaves me with little sleep. I am so tired.

SoonerStart is going to come by the house to look in on the girls on Monday. They try to come once a month to check up and see how they are doing. Alyssa is doing so well she may not need it much longer, but I fear that Sierra is going to need it for quite some time yet. On Monday, they are going to bring a physical therapist to start working with Sierra. She is not locking her legs when she is not in her shoes, so she is developing much slower than her sister and it is causing the nurse to be worried a bit. She also is sitting funny. She cocks her head to one side as she sits, lays, and is held in what would be a standing position. They are worried about it.

Hang in there girls, I love you both so much that cry when I talk about it.

Love always,
Mommy

It wont be like this for long...

2009-03-09T18:09:00.003-05:00

I have added a new song to my play list on this blog, and I can not believe how true it is.

The words of the song include feelings about how things are in the beginning, where you have lack of sleep and constant worrying that keep you up all night, to a toddler holding on afraid of the unknown, to a teenager who hates their parents, to a father finally walking their girl down the aisle. The overall impact is that time is short.

While living in the moment, we often take for granted the moment. With a crying child, or in my case children, we are trying to rush past that stage and look forward to the day when we can look back and laugh over it. We look forward to the first word, first smile, first steps, and tend to miss all the little accomplishments in between.

I picked this song as a reminder to myself, my husband, and my family about how precious time is. You start by trying to hurry up the hard times, but miss the precious minutes that you are given in that persons life. Being the parent of an infant is hard. Often times we do not know what our child (children :)) need, want, or the important decisions that we have to make for them. We can not get their input and just have to try the best that we can to meet the demands and hope that we do the right thing. We tend to focus so much on the problems that we forget to enjoy the time we do have. How precious it is to just hold your child to your heart and know that no matter what that child loves you. It is truly a gift from GOD.

I look back on the struggle we have had for the past 6 months, then I look at people who do not know the joy that came with it. Who may never experience it, and you know what. It was not that bad. Sure, caring for twins is difficult, I will never state different, but I get to experience their joys and sorrows, their exploration of the world, and in a way get to revisit my own childhood and make the changes that my parents were unable to. I get to be the one that they confide in, and trust in, and right now, for just this brief instant, their world. How much more could anyone ask for?

I believe that at all times people are just looking for that one chance to be everything for someone, but when it occurs it is overwhelming. The only true time you can be someones everything is during their infant stage. Before you know it, they need you less and less as they become more independent.

At 6 months of age, my daughters are progressing. They are starting to need me less. Currently, Alyssa can hold her bottle, and fully support her weight standing (she just needs us for balance), and roll onto her stomach (she just can't roll back). Sierra can untie her shoes, comfort her sister, and roll over (but again can't roll back).

So, for all of you struggling parents, myself included, here is a little reminder. It won't be like this for long...

New Pictures

2009-02-20T20:49:00.006-06:00

Well, I know that it has been a while since I posted photos. So here are some new ones. Alyssa likes to play cards with mommy (above). And as you can tell by below, they are now liking eachother.

Alyssa likes to cuddle. As long as she has her blankie, she is happy.

And these are the most recent photos. Look at how big they are. 6 months old. I can not believe how the time has passed.

Congratulations, and welcome to the family

2009-02-10T21:38:00.003-06:00

There is no greater joy in the world than seeing it through the eyes of a child. My cousin Amy, her husband Nate, and their son Kaden yesterday experienced a wonderful joy. They had a big, beautiful, HEALTHY, baby boy. I just wanted to extend my congratulations to them, wish them all the best. They deserve it. Welcome to the family Brody Jace Boeckman. Know that you have the love of two of the greatest parents that I have the joy of calling family.

To tell you a little about Amy and Nate. They have had a lot happen in their family. In summary, they became pregnant first with Kaden. Kaden is a very special little boy. He is one of the sweetest, kindest and most loving little man that I have ever met. While he is still a child, he has inspired so many to push beyond anything they thought that they could not face, and do it with a smile. You see, Kaden was born with a problem, many that children do not live through. He has a hernia in his diaphram. His parent were told several times that he may not make it, but Kaden is one determined little man. He has shown that with love, determination, and strength, you can accomplish anything, for this living, breathing miracle is now 4 year old. He has beaten odds that most of us would give up on, and has become my inspiration. When I get to thinking that it is just too hard, I look at the picture that I have of him, hit myself in the head for complaining, and truck on. That is his power. He makes all of us see the joy of living.

A little over a year ago, a repeat happened, but this one did not turn out so well. Nate and Amy gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Ava. Unfortunately, she did not make it, but again proved the power of the spirit. She fought for several months, and passed away this last May. And while she will always be missed, she gave us all the gift of seeing life as it is. A precious minute, a precious hour, a precious day, every day that you have. She is a constant reminder to her family, friends, and all who knew her that life can be brief, so you have to do the best to enjoy each day to the fullest. She is another of my inspirations, and I know that this little angel is looking out for her big brother, her parents, and now her new brother with a smile on her face that would light up the room when others saw it. I unfortunately was unable to meet her while she was living, but through her pictures, I was able to see just how special she truely is. There will never be a was with her, because she lives on in their hearts.

While suffering over the loss of their baby girl, Nate and Amy unexpectadly conceived again. This time, they have a happy, healthy, robust baby boy. I am so happy for you guys. I can not think of more deserving parents of the children that you have. They are extremely lucky to have you. Congratulations from ALL of us in Oklahoma.

P.S. Amy, I have told many of my coworkers about you and your amazing family, and they all wanted me to tell you a hearty, CONGRATS. Know that you are blessed, loved, and never alone.

Love Always,

Gary, Tabby, Alyssa and Sierra

I have preemie toddlers..

2009-02-03T18:14:00.003-06:00

Ok, I know that they are not toddlers, but I am thinking that they are about the size of them. Gary went to WIC today for their checkups and called me at work to tell me this...

Alyssa is now 23 1/2" tall and 11.1 pounds. She scored in the 25th percentile for her age to weight and the 10th percentile for her weight to length.

Sierra is now 22 1/4" tall and 10 pounds. She scored in the 25th percentile for her age to weight and in the bottom 5th percentile for her weight to length.

A background on the percentile is this is how they score their weight. When looking at their age, they look at their gestational age in comparison to their weight. In this area they are both doing well. They then make a comparison in regards to their weight to length. The 10th percentile is borderline to malnutrition. The 5th percentile and below is dangerously low weights and need extra care to help them gain weight. Children in th 5th percentile or below generally suffer from either malnutrition, had a low birth weight, and can suffer from "failure to thrive".

Alyssa has improve so much that she is no longer in the 5th percentile like she was when she was at her first charting, but she still needs to get up into the 25th percentile.

Sierra is not doing as bad as it sounds. She is very active and has not hit the growth spurts that Alyssa has. She still looks bigger than her sister, but the charting lets us know that we need to focus on making her eat more on a schedule to ensure that she eats enough. She has only started to eat a 6 oz bottle where her sister has now started to eat 7 and sometimes an 8 oz bottle. We just have to make sure that she is eating enough throughout the day.

Girls,

Daddy and I love you so much. Keep eating and fighting your way. We are proud of all that you have accomplished and look forward to so much more. We love you very much.

Tabby

Giggles and Grins

2009-01-31T12:31:00.003-06:00

The girls are starting to get motor skills that we have been worried about. Thursday they turned 5 months old. They can now sit up against things when placed there, they smile a lot, but I still have not heard the best sound, a belly laugh. That baby laugh that just makes the hardship seem worth it. The sound that makes everyone smile and many laugh just at the brightness of it. I am anticipating that sound more than any I think.

They are also finally starting to acknowledge eachother. For the last 2 weeks, the girls have been looking at eachother, and cooing at eachother. It is adorable. Gary and I joke around that they are discussing how they are going to make our lives crazy, and the pranks that they are going to pull. We do not understand what they are trying to say, but the are both talking to eachother so we can only assume that they know what they are saying to eachother. It is rather interesting to watch. And then they do their little laughs, just kind of a coo that has a big smile attached. So we know they are planning something, it will be interesting to see what.

I have read some articles that are rather interesting. It states that many kids are labled by their parents in the beginning. There is the "smart" one, and the "pretty" one. The "slow eater" etc. Mostly the labels are ways of parents describing their children to others, but those tend to stick and the children tend to try to meet the labels that they have. For example, the "pretty" child focuses on his or her appearance as they see that as their place. "Daddy's" girl bonds mostly with their father and loose their selfworth with inattention of male figures. This is why I am trying not to label my daughters. I try only to describe them, but always tell them that they are beautiful and smart.

Sierra has a few new tricks up her sleave as well. Even though she has to wear shoes that immoblize her feet, she has figured out how to use them to her advantage, and remove them when she is tired of them (which is most of the time). She can now untie her shoes, and she can use the weight of the shoes to roll onto her belly. It is really funny to watch. She lifts her feet and tosses them to the side. She then turns her upper body to the side. The last part happens so fast it is hard to catch, but she streightens her legs and turns onto her belly all at once. It is really cool to watch and you realize just how clever she is.

To untie her shoes, she lifts her feet in the air up to her head and pulls on the strings until they untie. How smart is she. It then creates enough of a gap that she slips her feet out like she use to by hooking them at the edge of things and sliding her feet out.

Her roll to her belly caused her to do something that has us boggled. We recognized that it was time to put in a sleep positioner so she would not roll and suffocate at night. We bought a memory foam inclined sleep positioner to help her with her colic nights as well as keep her in place, or so we thought. She somehow managed to go over the top (the most inclined part), do a 180, and roll onto her belly one night. We went in to check up on her and found her in this position. Don't know how it happened, and we still can not quite figure it out. This happened about 2 weeks ago. She was fine, but it sure did scare us a little bit.

Christmas photos from Grandma & Grandpa Carter

2009-01-29T12:24:00.004-06:00

OK, I know it is a bit late to be posting these, but so what, I liked them and thought that you might also. Did I mention that the Girls had 3 Christmas celebrations? One at our house, one at Grandma & Grandpa Carters (Gary's Parents), and one with Grammy and Gippy (My mom and her fiance). They also got some great things in the mail from Grandpa Hall and Grandma Anne (My Dad and Step mom).

Also, Here are the photos that I promised to post from their horseback riding experience.

As you can tell, they had to put me in a certain saddle so I could ride with Sierra, however, I generally have to use a youth saddle, so I could not reach the stirrups. In the bottom picture is Our sitter and friend Amanda and our daughter Alyssa. Gary does not ride horses, he is not fond of large animals, and horses fit in that category. The girls really enjoyed horseback riding, in fact, they enjoyed it so much they fell asleep in their papoose sacks.

Christmas Photos... Finally

2009-01-14T20:15:00.005-06:00

The first two are from when she came to my house to watch the girls while Gary and I went to the bed and breakfast.

These photos are from when we went to my moms. The girls got to open a few gifts.

Then, as a kind of tradition, I put bows on their heads so they would have a photo that was simular to one that I have of my first christmas.

As you can tell from the photos, they are both getting bigger, and are finally acknowledging eachother. I am just not sure they were happy about the bows. :)

Here is a current photo of them now. This was taken today with their Uncle Jimmy in the photo. So, Here is Uncle Jimmy and Alyssa.

Also, Sorry that some of them are sideways. I am able to transfer them, but am unable to make any changes to them.

Sorry that I took so long to post these.

The "Just Do It" Awards

2009-01-13T19:30:00.004-06:00

The Nike slogan "Just do it" has taken a new meaning to me. It has come to symbolize all you have to do as a parent. You "just do it" without thought of how this will benefit you, what can you gan from this, etc... Essentially, being a parent shows you how selfish you were before kids.

If you ask a hero how they became one, they reply they " just did" what they had to do. Following this logic, this would make parents heros to their children. They give of ther time, sleep, and self without thoughts of benefit. They "just do". And, a child, never truely can appreciate all a parent just does for them until it is their turn. This is just for standard parents of healthy children.

Then you have those parents of children with difficulties. These parents need a medal. They are truely role models for the rest as to what it means to love and sacrafice for their children. If you ask them how, again you hear that they " just do it". You don't think of the sacrafice, just the joy of having that special person in your life. I commend all of you, and am giving you my version of a medal of honor. This is for being the best parent by being a loving one, and just doing it. God bless you all.

And so, without further ado, I nominate:

Amy & Nate Boeckman- for her extraordinary care and love of her children and being the rock they need

My Mother - for always being there for us, and sacraficing so we would have what we need

My challenge is for everyone who reads this to post their nominees on their pages. Lets nominate all parents.

Our visit with Santa

2009-01-07T20:40:00.003-06:00

In the beginning of December, Gary, the girls, and I went to a Holiday party. They saw santa and I just found the picture that was taken of them. Here it is..

I will have more xmas pictures later, when I can get my camera to let me retrieve them that is. :) Have a happy new year!!!

Reflection of the previous year

2009-01-06T18:44:00.002-06:00

Well, I will answer the questions about Christmas and New Years first.

The girls are definately spoiled. They had many gifts, and for us they were our gift. The girls are getting bigger, and are now mostly wearing 0-3 month clothes. Another strange event, is that on their checkup just before christmas, Alyssa is now weighing more than her sister.
For Christmas, we went to my inlaws for christmas eve, then opened gifts to eachother and from us to the girls on christmas day at our house. At about 5 pm we went up to Wichita because my mom's birthday was on saturday. We opened gifts at her house, then left on saturday because Gary had to work on Sunday. Everyone seemed to enjoy seeing them, and the girls actually opened a few of their gifts, with my help of course. They would grip the paper, then I would either turn the present or lean back so the paper would rip. It was quite cute and we got some good pictures of it. I will post those later.

For New years, we slept. That was the highlight of our New Years. We fell asleep at 11pm New Years Eve, and slept in other than getting up to feed the girls.

This last weekend, the girls rode with me and my friend Amanda on horses. We used those papuse packs and rode around a small lake on private property. It was rather fun.

Looking back over this year, a lot has happened. I got pregnant, which I was told could have not happened. Having the disease PCOS, it could have made me infertile, and the fertility treatments do not always work. I was extremely lucky because it worked on the first treatment, and then it worked so well that I had two beautiful girls.

My cousin's family lost their little girl during my pregnancy. It was difficult going to the funeral, but it was a beautiful one, and I am sure that she will continue to live on through her parents and brothers. Her healing grace raised awareness of heart disease and showed the family about the meaning of life a little more, and showed all of us the value of a day, a hour, a minute, and a second. Something that we will probably not forget anytime soon. Ava, your memory will live on, and you will remain loved.

Alyssa and Sierra were born 6 weeks early, had a 2 week stay in the hospital, Sierra got braces on her feet, and the girls have both been given SoonerStart to try to catch up to their peers in their development.

Gary and I celebrated our wedding anniversary during the girls' stay in the hospital, so we celebrated the anniversary of the day we met on December 21. We stayed in a bed and breakfast where we had dinner served in our room, a massage for 2 in our room, and a one night stay in a very nice suite. The bed and breakfast was here in the city, and my mom had come down for the day to watch them.

Also, my mom got engaged to be married and has decided to have the ceremony in July of this year.

I will post the pictures later from the holiday. I hope that everyone had a good holiday, and has a great new year. May the blessings of the season be with your family as it has been with ours, and I look forward to continuing to share the experiences of our daughters with you in this year and the years to come.

Photos

2008-12-10T21:11:00.007-06:00

As mentioned in my last email, my retrieval system to get my photos from my camera is down. However, I have found a way around that, so here are some new photos. The first ones are from when my mom was here last. (She tries to come once a month to see the girls, Gary, and me.)

The next set of photos came when we went to see my grandma. We went the week before Thanksgiving. My cousins son, Kaden, is looking so well. It was great to see him and his parents. It was also great to see how great of a big brother he was to Ava and will be to Brody. He really impressed my husband and I by helping his mom change my daughter's diaper.

The girls had so much fun meeting Miles, my Grandma (aka Nana, not pictured), and Marilyn.

And Cousin Amy bought a pretty outfit for both Sierra and Alyssa. Alyssa is in her outfit in the picture above with Miles, and Sierra is pictured below. The week after Thanksgiving, we were visited by my uncle, David.

The week of Thanksgiving, our plans were cancelled. Instead of going to my fathers as we had planned, we went to Dallas and saw my cousin Shaun, his wife Erica, and his father Phillip.

SoonerStart

2008-12-05T23:42:00.002-06:00

Well, I am sorry that I have not posted in a while. I started back at work recently, and with that and school is making it hard to post.

Here is an update on the girls. Earlier this week they had a weight check and nutrition appointment at WIC. The good news is that they are gaining weight. Sierra is now 8lbs 5 oz, and Alyssa is 8lbs. They are still a little under weight, but seem to be gaining so it is not so much a concern any more.

However, with them not having the weight that they should have had, their muscles did not develop quick enough, so now they have some development issues. Primarily because they were early, but also due to the weight issues.

Oklahoma has this program that I mentioned above. It is for children like mine that are behind in their development. It is a free program that offers weekly nurse visits, doctor visits, and visits by physical, behavorial, and speech therapists for up to age 3 for these children. To get in the program, a persons child has to be at least a cumulative total of 50% behind. My daughters qualified. It is one of those things that I am looking at in different ways now. While I did not want them to get this diagnosis, it is a good thing that since they need it they qualify. For that, and all they help we get from family and friends, we are blessed.

Thanksgiving was ok. Two weeks prior we went up to Kansas so the girls could meet Amy, her mom Cindy and dad Tom, and their Nana (my grandmother). Everyone, including the kids, got a kick out of the twins. They were loved instantly. What can I say, I have the BEST family, both in my husband's relatives, and in my own.

For thanksgiving, the girls got to meet more people. We went to see my cousin Shaun and his family. It is rather special for me since Shaun and I grew up more as brother and sister than cousins. His father was there for me when mine was unable to be, and my mother was there for Shaun in the same way. Again, everyone fell in love with the girls. They behaved rather well, and have even with the large amount of people that they have met. They remain calm through it all and still mainly fuss only when they need attention.

Well, the girls are now 14 weeks old. It has been a crazy road so far, and I know that there will only be more as we go on, but I would not trade it for anything. I would not like to repeat it, but I am also glad that I have this opportunity to be their mother. I continue to try to do the very best for them, and continue to just do, learning new things every day in their care. The strange thing is that it is not the basics that I am learning, but quirky things. For instance, the soft spot on a childs head is used to tell hydration. If it is caved in, then the child is dehydrated and needs fluids quick.

Since I am not breastfeeding anymore, I am only pumping, I have to mix the breastmilk with formula. I gave a bottle of this mixture to Sierra one time, not knowing that the breastmilk had gone bad. Sierra refused to eat it and continued to fuss. We gave her a new bottle with milk from a different container, and it was fine. So, there again, I learned that even if I can not tell, my daughter will tell me. Gosh, they are so smart.

Well, it is getting late. I am going to try to get some sleep (maybe) while I can.

10 weeks old

2008-11-11T20:36:00.004-06:00

Time really does fly. It seems like only yesterday I was giving birth and worrying about them during their stay in the hospital. Well, the hospital stay is over, Sierra's feet are straight and are now just in shoes to keep them that way, and they have both finally started to gain weight. In fact, on this last Friday, they were taken off of the regular weight checks because they gained a whole pound in one week. Sierra now weights 7lbs 2oz and Alyssa is at 6lbs 3oz. I know, for 2 months old this is still too small, but considering that they were born 6 weeks early, it is a great improvement.
I have a meeting this week with a nurse. She is going to come interview me and see if we are candidates for SoonerCare (Oklahoma's nurse on call and medical insurance program for children), primarily for the nurse at home checkups. They are wanting to monitor the girls' weight gains, since it has not been where it should be.
We are also in a family counselling study. We get to attend marriage, family and parenting group counseling classes that teach us improved techniques in hopes that they will be able to lower the divorce rate in Oklahoma. We get paid to attend these classes, and it teaches how to still be a couple while being parents, how to encourage each other and our children, as well as general care of infants, and communication techniques. It is, to say the least, very informative and interesting. It is overall an idea generator.
The unfortunate thing is that next Monday, on the 17th, I go back to work. I originally thought that I would be looking forward to it. The closer and closer it gets, however, I am getting sadder. I want to stay with my girls. I love them so much and do not want to have to take them to a sitter, even though it is a friend of ours. I will not be there to see to their needs during the day, and am dreading turning that over to anyone. Even if it is only for a short time. I am afraid that my first day back all I will accomplish is crying my eyes out. This is not a good thing. Crying is generally frowned upon when you are working in the customer service industry.
We are also going to see my grandma and my aunts, uncles, and cousins that live in northern Kansas. We are looking forward to seeing you and introducing you to our little miracles.
Mommy and daddy love you girls. You mean the world to us.

Tummy Time for Alyssa

2008-11-05T15:37:00.003-06:00

Today, I thought that since I showed off Sierra's amazing skills on her belly, it was time for everyone to see Alyssa's. I can not believe how much their situation is improving. As you can tell, she is finally gaining weight. I am glad that the formula is working, and I am also starting to notice that what I am pumping is getting less transparent in color. I believe that this means that there is more nutrients in it. I hope so. I know that it may sound like false hope, but it could mean that I might get to start breastfeeding them again. I will find out on November 7. I know that they have to put on more weight yet, but maybe when they have caught up, if the milk is still coming in with this consistency, then I might be able to again. I sure hope so.
Well, without further ado, here is Alyssa...

Our first Halloween

2008-11-04T13:57:00.007-06:00

Halloween was a bit of fun for the girls. With the night being so beautiful, we took the girls out with some friends of ours. The oldest boy and girl are the girls' babysitter's kids.

The next picture is of her friend and her kid, another one that she babysits.

And here are the girls in their stroller. Prior to trick-or-treating, they came with me to my job for a company costume contest. We won a minor prize. What they said was rather funny. They said that last year she(me) was a chicken, well over the year she seems to have laid her eggs and brought them with her. So they gave me an award for being brave. It was rather funny.

We did not get any candy, as the girls are obviously too little, just mainly walked with our friends as their kids went up to the houses. I am looking forward to next year and them actually being able to participate. It was a very nice night all the same.

First one thing, then another...

2008-11-02T19:16:00.006-06:00

Well, it seems that we have come so far from the hospital, but some of the problems still remain. I had a weight check this past week. The girls actually failed. They are not gaining weight like they should be. I am now no longer able to breastfeed them exclusively. After their appointment this last Thursday, I had to schedule an appointment with their doctor. He agreed with the findings, so now I am back to pumping. The girls are now getting 2 oz of a special formula mixed with 1 oz breast milk. It is difficult, because I feel that I have been starving them, and not intentionally. I tried so hard to be able to breastfeed them, but they were not get enough calories from it.
The good news is that the formula is working. They are finally starting to gain weight. I just am left feeling like a failure to provide for them, or not to notice it sooner and be able to take action sooner. Alyssa is at a very dangerous weight. She was only weighing 5lbs4oz at 18" long. This means that my baby girl was so skinny that she had nothing, but I did not think it was a cause for concern. She had been so skinny from when she was born, I thought that it was just how she was going to be. I did not know that I was not providing enough food for her. I am thankful that it was discovered before she had to go back into the hospital, but I still feel responsible. I should of noticed it and saw someone immediately before she got that skinny.
Sierra also was not gaining weight fast enough, but it was not as bad as her sister. I feel like we are getting past one hurdle, only to find another immediately in front of us. When do we get to stop having these problems??? I would really like to have a break from facing these minor issues. Yes, I do know that they are minor, but we can not seem to get past them. We get past one, and have another.
Sierra, though, has had enough weight to try to meet some milestones. I am going to stop griping, because seeing Sierra try to figure out how to crawl is amazing since only 2 months ago we were afraid that she would not be able to do this this soon. She has got her legs figured out, as you can see in the video. She just can not lift her upper body yet. Keep trying baby girl, you'll get there.

Alyssa, we love you and your sister very much. Keep fighting, and I promise to pay more attention. I am sorry that I did not notice sooner.

Before & After & her new shoes!!!

2008-11-01T15:21:00.006-05:00

Well, the cast is off... here is what she looked like before.

And here is what they look like now. Boy what a difference.

Here is her new shoes that she has to wear until she is at least 2 years old to keep her feet from growing back to club.

After seeing this, it makes it so much easier to accept the casts, crying, and everything that we had to do to get there. Hang in there babygirl. We are so happy about your progress.

Hubby tag

2008-10-30T12:56:00.009-05:00

I saw this on Kaden and Angel Ava's website. I agree with you Amy, this is a great way to show our love for our husbands.

Here is my Handsome Husband

1. Full Name: I really rather not give it all, but his name is Gary.

2. How long we have been married: We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary in September.

3. How long did we date: 3 years

4. Who eats the sweets: I am the major sweet eater, but Gary will eat them on special occasions, and cookies occasionally.

5.Who said "I Love You" first: That would be me. I did not mean for it to come out, but it did in a phone message. I told him that I would meet him somewhere, then ended it with I Love You. I did not even realize that I said it until he told me. How silly is that.

6. Who's Taller: Uhh...Duh that would be Gary. I am so short. He pretty much towers over me at close to 6 feet, and I am only 5'2.

7. Who sings better: That one is me. I love to hear him sing as he does not do it very often, but he tells me all the time that I am the better singer.

8. Who is smarter: That depends. I believe there is all kinds of smarts. Gary is definately common sense smart, and I am book smart.

9. Who does the laundry: Right now, both of us. But mostly, it is Gary. I lucked out there.

10. Who pays the bills: This would also be Gary. He is better with personal finance, or should I say more anal about it. He stays on top of things like that. Kind of funny considering that I am studying to be an accountant.

11. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed: This use to be me, but we now have the playpen in our room for our daughters, and it can only be on the Left side as that is the only place we have room, so we have switched.

12. Who moes the lawn: This is also Gary. I was never taught how to do this obscure chore, even though I love the smell of fresh cut grass. Go fig.

13. Who cooks dinner: This is me!!! Gary does the dishes, most of the time, after.

14. Who drives: Most of the time this is Gary. I get really sleepy on long car trips and have dozed at the wheel, so it is much safer for Gary to drive. Now if I could just get him to slow down a little. :)

15. Who admits when they are wrong: This would be both of us, but usually Gary first.

16. Who asked who out first: We both kind of did. We met through a dating service, and he was charged with calling me up. We talked for hours before he said "What the h***", and I said immediatly after "lets meet up". We met at the mall close to where I lived at the time, and the rest is as you can say, history.

17. Who wears the pants: I have a funny saying about this. It is that he can wear the pants just as long as he remembers who washed them (being me on a nice day). We have a role reversal in our house, and I usually get my way, but Gary does as well when it is important. Most of the time we compromise.

18. What does he do that surprises you: I have never had anyone just be there for me. It sounds lame, but even when we are arguing, I know that he is just trying to figure out how to stand with me. He does the housework, or most of it, and he brags about me going to school and completing my degree. He encourages me to succeed, and he is there in a hundred little ways, but occasionally misses the big ones. I would say that it is not what he does that surprises me, but simply who he is.

19. What is your favorite feature on him: I would say his eyes. It is what first got me. When he is talking to me or looking at me, you can see the world in them, and I am the center of it. Now, it is me and his daughter that are. Just look at the picture above and you can see what I am talking about. He focuses in on what he sees, and that is it for him.

20.What is your favorite quality he has: He is an awesome listener. This is what will make him a great dad when the girls get old enough to talk.

21. Does he have a nickname for you: Just the usual ones.

22. What is his favorite food: This is so easy, he is my spaghetti man.

23. What is his favorite sport: He loves to watch football and basketball, but he only plays videogames.

24. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple: We like to watch movies and play on the Wii together. I am sure this is going to change when the girls get older though. It is nice that the simple things is what we most enjoy though.

25. Does he have any hidden talents: His ability to take things in stride and continue to push on no matter what. I would have to say that is one h*** of a talent.

26. What do you admire most about him: His ability to listen. I know this seems silly, but it is an excellent quality that I think is missing in many people. Myself included.

27. What is his favorite color: blue or green

28. How did he propose: Ok, this is odd and it seemed to be horrible to me at the time. I was with him when he purchased the ring. I got tired of waiting for him to find the "right" time as he said, so I set the scene for him. I took him out to the most romantic italian restaurant in the city, named Belini's, then brought him home for a carpet picnic of chocolate covered strawberries (that I made myself), and sparkling white grape juice. I had candles lit on the floor around the blanket that we used. We were just laying there then he told me that he did not want to be my boyfriend anymore. I asked him what, he repeated, then I said I got that and was wondering what he ment, he repeated again. I got angry and asked him when he wanted me to move out then. He said, no, you don't get it, I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore. I said I get it, well, I yelled it. He then said, I want to be more, will you marry me. It is starting to seem funny and special now, but at the time I was really mad, and said yes you idiot. ( I don't really think that he is an idiot, but I was really mad, what can I say?)

I love you so much sweetheart. The best decision I ever made was to say yes to you. I am proud of our lives and love you more than anything. Our daughters have a GREAT father.

Thoughts...

2008-10-27T15:45:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow, we take Sierra's casts off permanently. I am so excited. Yes, she is still being treated, but it will be shoes that we can take off for increasing periods of time, and I will get to give her actual baths instead of sponge ones. (She really hates sponge baths.) It seems kind of silly, but it feels like she will be more of a normal kid then.
I am still concerned with how she will walk, and have decided that if she needs it, she will go into dance to help her learn muscle control when she gets older. I am hoping that she does not have a "funny" walk due to the casts and braces. I want her to have everything, and I know how cruel kids can be.
Alyssa is doing good, I just wish that she would start to "chunk up" as Sierra has done. Alyssa definitely has her daddy's build and metabolism. The kid EATS. Breastfeeding now takes about an hour to complete. It is a really long time to just sit there, but I get to stare at their beautiful faces and know that it is worth every minute.
Well, starting tomorrow, I go back to the classroom for school. It will be the first time that their daddy has to take care of them at night for a few hours alone. I am nervous about this as he panics when they cry and looks to me to tell him what might be wrong. I know it comes from not wanting to do something wrong, but it still makes me a little nervous. I also know that I will miss them dreadfully, but know that in a way it is preparing me to go back to work soon. The day is rapidly approaching, and I do not want to have to. I know that I must, but I know I will worry constantly until I get to see them at the end of the day.
I know this jumps from subject to subject, but that is how it came to me. I will post before and after photos of Sierra's feet soon. Until then...
I love you girls so much, and am so proud to be your mommy.

Casts, Braces, and a long wait....

2008-10-13T14:14:00.003-05:00

Well, here is an update from the doctors on Sierra.
The surgery is pretty much eliminated.
She is on her either her last or second to last cast... YEAH!!!
She will have to wear special shoes for 2 to 6 years... Yikes.

OK, here is an explanation of the last item. Due to the casts, I found out that all kids that undergo this treatment develop atrophy in the foot, or in this case, feet, and in the calf muscle. she is going to have to wear shoes with a brace that goes up her legs for a couple of years. she will be able to crawl and walk with the braces, and the amount of time will start out 24-7, then will gradually decrease until she does not have to wear them.

So, in closing, the good news is that she is coming out of her casts soon, and her feet will be healed, mostly. Now, we will just have to build up strength in her legs so she can behave as a normal kid. Boy, will we be glad when this is over.

6 weeks old and thinking back...

2008-10-09T11:55:00.005-05:00

I got to thinking the other day about how my childhood was a prequel to having my daughters. It is strange, but when I was growing up and playing with dolls my friends would play with one baby, while I always insisted on 2. I would tell everyone that one day I would have twins. I was eight and telling everyone what would one day come to pass. I did not use the names that I had picked out then, Sara and Tara. I am glad that I didn't too. My daughters do not look like those names. I just thought that it was strange that I knew I would not have a single birth.

Well, my daughters are 6 weeks old on Friday. It is strange looking back on what it was like with them in the hospital. At times, it feels like it was just a bad dream. Then, when they are fussing the most, I occasionally want them back there so I can get some sleep. I do not want their health to be back there, just the extra help that I had while they were in the hospital. I knew that a nurse was close by to answer my fears, and to help me with them. I did not have the worries that I do now. Am I doing everything right? Am I providing them everything they need? Are they growing right? Am I providing enough food for them since I am breastfeeding? Etc... All of my answers were right there, and everything was monitored. I am scared that I am doing something wrong, but keep doing just to try to do my best for them.

On a more positive note, my family has been having fears about my cat. They are afraid that he is going to hurt them. OK, my cat is psychotic (he runs for no reason, and attacks insects through the glass, and he thinks he is a hairdresser), but actually it is strange. He just goes up to the girls, sniffs them, then either walks away or sits close to them watching them. It is like he is saying, I don't know who they are but they are small and I will protect them. He did the same with me while I was pregnant. He was just always there. It was actually kind of comforting, and I think that even then he knew they were coming. He does not bother them, and does not really come near them, just is near by as if to say that if he is needed, he is there.

Well, it is also the end of the third week of treatment for Sierra, and I am anxious to find out how her feet are doing. I will let you know later.

Women's Health Month

2008-10-07T22:50:00.004-05:00

Many people are aware of this being Breast Cancer awareness month, but I propose it being changed to women's health month. I propose this because there are more things than breast cancer that kill women. In fact, women are more likely to die from a heart related issue than men, and there are other diseases that affect women, while they may not be killers, they certainly are not very well heard of and can cause other problems in their lives. I have one such disease.
It is called PCOS. This stands for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. The disease is rare, and causes problems with reproduction, lactation, and can eventually cause infertility. This is in part how I got my twins. I was diagnosed with PCOS prior to getting pregnant when we found out that I was not producing eggs. They ran several tests to try to find out why I was not ovulating, and come to find out, I had this disease. Luckily, I was not too far along in this disease, because then I would not have had my daughters.
What happens is that as the disease progresses, it causes the walls of the ovaries to harden, eventually not allowing eggs to pass causing the ovaries to shut down completely. If caught early enough, children can still be a possibility, but it has to be caught. Many of the symptoms are similar to that of endometriosis or simple cysts. The difference is that for people with PCOS, the cysts do not form naturally, they start out as an egg that partially develops then mutates into a cyst that ruptures out onto the outside of the ovary. The cyst eventually ruptures, causing scar tissue to form on the ovary. This scar tissue hardens the walls of the ovaries, which makes it difficult for an egg to pass.
Like with most female organ problems, pregnancy can eliminate the problem, but not always. I still do not know if I have the disease, and it will not be found out until I have another cyst rupture. I hope that my pregnancy did correct it, but if not, then I have been given the gift of them.
I just wanted others to be aware of this disease. If I had been more aware of it, then I could have suggested I get tested for it when the problem started and I might not have had to have the fertility treatments to get pregnant. Thank god that they were able to work though. I love my daughters very much and am happy that I am able to have them in my husband's and my life.

Photos

2008-09-30T19:50:00.008-05:00

These two are from a visit we had with Grandma and Grandpa Carter (Gary's Parents)

My mom's boyfriend's relatives found dresses in preemie sizes. Seeing as we could not find any, I really wish I knew where they were found. Anyway, they looked so cute, I couldn't resist taking a few photos of them. Here is Sierra:

And here is Alyssa:

I cannot believe how much they have grown. Slow down Girls!!! LOL.

After week one of treatment

2008-09-30T19:30:00.002-05:00

While it is still hard to see our sweet baby in a cast, we were reaffirmed last Thursday why we are doing this for her. When they took off that cast and put on the next one, it was amazing the progress her feet had made. Even the doctor looked optimistic. He said that if things progress as quick as they did that week, then she might not need surgery after all... GOD I hope so. I really do not want to have to put her through that as well.
They went ahead and put new casts on her feet, and now her feet look like they are backwards.... but it is only an optical illusion.
They are 4 weeks old now. Boy, time sure does fly. They are both getting so big. They still wear some preemie clothes, but they are starting to grow out of them. Soon, I will be putting them in more newborn onesies. Alyssa is growing in length, and Sierra is putting on some chunk. It is so cute to see them as such. I only hope that Alyssa starts putting some meat on. She is one strong baby, and has amazing muscle tone, but I don't like seeing her so skinny. They both eat a lot, they are just putting their weight on differently. Alyssa is looking more and more like her daddy body wise, and me face wise. Sierra seems to be the opposite, looking like her daddy in the face and me in the body. It is neat to see. I am really enjoying seeing us in them.
Girls, keep going strong. Daddy and I love you and are happy that you are home.

And the times get tougher...

2008-09-22T13:32:00.002-05:00

Well, this last Friday, Sierra started treatment for her club feet. It is hard to deal with because she is in casts that start at her feet and go up to her hips. The doctor told us that it is harder on us than her, but I know my baby girl is hurting. The first night was so tough. We could not do anything for her other than soothe her. I can not tell her that it is better that it get fixed now, that the pain will be shorter this way, that it is for the best, or any of the things parents want to tell their child when they know they are hurting. All I can do is stare at this precious angel and know she is in pain and I can not do anything to help. I have discovered that the old saying, "this is going to hurt me more than you", to fit in this instance. She is fine with the cast now, but I know when the new one this week gets put on, it is going to be a repeat. I know that this is going to probably hurt even more, because we now know what is going to happen, but our little girl does not.

The girls had their check-up today, and the doctor said that they are doing well. They have both gained weight. Alyssa had to have her billiruben checked again, her jaundice is back, but appears to be mild. Sierra is doing well other than her feet. The nurses at the office all fell in love with the girls, and shortly after we walked in, the girls had a mini-parade where every nurse saw them. It was quite funny, and sweet how everyone was taken with them. I just stood there and watched all the nurses follow this routine of sanitize, hold a baby, pass, repeat. It was cute.

I am still waiting on the results of Alyssa's bloodwork and Sierra will get a new cast later this week. Sierra will be getting a new one every week for a while, and they said that treatment will last 2 to 4 months. I am hoping that it is closer to the 2 month time frame.

Girls, Daddy and I love you very much, and I know we will be able to look back on all of this and think it was not so hard, but right now, with everything that you both have been through, it is tough for all of us. We love you and do not want to see you in pain. Daddy even cried when he saw you, Sierra, in so much pain. It is so hard for us to see that. We don't want to do anything that causes either of you any pain, but know that in this case we must. Keep that smile on. We love to see it.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Home at last...

2008-09-13T16:31:00.002-05:00

Yesterday we finally got to bring our daughters home. It was so wonderful. They got released at 3pm, and I could not have been happier. While we did not get much sleep last night, Gary and I are both pleased to have our little girls home. Thank you all for your prayers. I am sure that this probably would not have happened quite so soon without them.

Amy, in a way, I think that Ava is looking out for our entire family. I am sure that she had a part in bringing my girls home as she did in you getting a healthy baby boy this pregnancy. I want you to know that although I did not get to meet her, she has touched our lives. She has shown Gary and I that every minute is precious and to treasure each one. That being said, we wish you the best with your little boy and know that Ava is probably in Grandpa's hands sending down all of her love and watching over her baby brother until he is born. She truely is your guardian angel and I know from her pictures that she knew she was loved, and knows that she is loved still.
With Kaden, he is definately the families little miracle. He is one of the sweetest little boys that I have ever met, and I feel that he is truely a blessing to all of us. He shows us the way we all should be. I know that it may sound selfish, but both Kaden and Ava are reminders to me when I feel like complaining over little things. I look at their pictures and think to myself that if anyone has a right to complain it is your two precious children, and they bring nothing but smiles.
Anyway, know that you and Nate continue to be an inspiration, and I just hope that we can do as well with our two.

photos

2008-09-13T16:26:00.001-05:00

Motherhood...

2008-09-12T09:24:00.002-05:00

After Kaden was born, I use to wonder how Amy dealt with it. With her son being so sick, and never knowing if that day would be his last. Then, I saw her do it again with Ava, and seeing her still dealing with the loss of her precious daughter. I would think to myself that I could never handle having a sick child. I would be in wonderment over the strength that she has shown day in and day out and wish that I could be such a wonderful mother when my time came.

Well, my time has come. During my pregnancy, I would pray that my daughters be healthy and that I would get to bring them home. God, I guess, had a different plan. He decided to answer my question in how Amy and Nate got through it. While my daughters and far better off than Kaden and Ava were when they were born, there has been many steps that they have had to take to get to where they would be able to come home. Now that I am at the end of their hospital stay (they should be coming home soon according to the doctor), I realize how they did it. It is the simpliest and hardest thing to do, and that is simply you just do. You take everything that you get from them and be thankful everyday that you got that. It is amazing how the simple things wind up being the hardest, and the hardest the simplist. It is easiest for me when I am doing, when I am taking care of my girls or simply sitting in the rocking chair that is in their section of the nursery and watching them. Leaving them there everyday tears my heart out. The fear that I will get a call from the hospital that something bad has happened hits then and does not leave until I see them the next day.

The nurses and my husband say that I have the "baby blues". I simply call it motherhood.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I know in my heart that they have reached Heaven, because my girls are being prepaired to come home. I now must ask for the prayers to go out for one of my teachers in college. They had a little girl named Parker, who was born 3 days prior to my daughters. She was born 8 weeks early and underwent minor brain surgery the next day. She had a large fluid buildup on her brain that had to be drained for her survival. She is doing well, but I feel that prayers would be a help for her.

I also wanted to send Congrats out to Amy and Nate again. I was so happy to hear that your sono came out well, and continue to pray for Kaden, peace for Ava, and a healthy, happy delivery of your baby boy. We love you guys so much, and the girls send their love.

Kangaroo Care

2008-09-09T09:24:00.005-05:00

Prior to the girls being removed from NICU, we had been doing kangaroo care. For those that do not know what this is, it is where the parents take off their shirt and hold the baby skin to skin. This is very helpful for premature infants because it helps their body to learn how to hold their temperature, can calm a baby, provide comfort, and help their digestive system. For the mothers of premature infants, it helps their milk come in, and provides reassurance that their baby really is OK. This program has proven to help reduce the preemie death rate drastically, and is being used in several underdeveloped countries that do not have the health care that the US has.

What was strange about our kangaroo sessions is that I have twins, and that Gary actually participated. To many, this would not seem strange, but while we doing this, we found out that many fathers did not do this for their children, on the moms. I found this odd, but when the nurse told me that many times dads are afraid to hold their children in fear that they would hurt them, it started to make sense. I took pictures of both of us kangarooing our children. Here they are:

The blanket is used to keep the baby warm in all areas that are not touching skin. This is Alyssa kangarooing with her dad. The strange part of this picture, is this is not the typical kangaroo hold. The typical hold would be to put the baby on your chest, but while she was in NICU, she would get fussy if we tried this, so we had to modify to help her get the most from it.

All of our pictures are of Alyssa being kangarooed. We could not hold Sierra for several days. She was very sensitive to touch and it would cause her to panic. To be able to get her stable, we could only touch her and not hold. Things are better with her now. I was holding her in the kangaroo position and she actually started to "root". This is very encouraging for me that she was because it means that she was looking for my breast to nurse. Considering that she is not very interested in the bottle, I was very pleased that she seemed to want to try to nurse. I can not start trying until I get approval from the doctor, but I am going to talk to him today and see what he says. Hopefully he will let me start soon, pumping sucks!

Update on the girls

2008-09-03T23:55:00.002-05:00

Well, Alyssa and Sierra just completed their first graduation today. They have been removed from the jaundice lights and have been taken out of NICU. They are now in incubators. They are also being started on bottle feeding. Once they are able to accomplish the bottle feeding they will be able to start breastfeeding. They do not anticipate any problems in the switch since both girls have been getting my expressed breast milk and seem to like the taste. I am confident that once we try breastfeeding and they know that is where it comes from, it will be a pretty smooth transition.

Also, they are still on IVs because they are not quite getting enough fluids, but they are being increased at least every other day. It was really awesome to see them out of the NICU and in the incubators, although it is a little awkward trying to take their temperatures and change their diapers, both of which we have been doing since they were first admitted to NICU.

Alyssa and Sierra,
Good job girls on all the progress, they day is getting here soon when we will be able to bring you home. We love you very much and are very proud of both of you.

Introducing...

2008-09-02T20:39:00.011-05:00

On Thursday, I went into labor at about 8:30 pm. We were admitted to the hospital after our scheduled visit with my doctor.

After continuing to labor and getting evaluated by the doctors, they decided that it was time to meet my daughters. I delivered them at 4:53 and 4:54 pm on Friday via c-section. So, I would like to introduce to you all my precious daughters.

Sierra Dawn Carter. Born: 4:53. 5lbs, 17.2" long

Alyssa Leighanne Carter. Born: 4:54 pm, 4lbs 10.7 oz, 16 1/4"

Unfortunately, they will not be able to come home until about 2 weeks after they were born. They were 6 weeks premature and are receiving help from the wonderful nurses at Integris Southwest to be able to come home. They have a small amount of Jondas that is being treated, and they will need to be able to maintain their body heat, feed on their own, and hold down their food before they will be released. They anticipate their ability to overcome these difficulties in about 2 weeks. I can not wait to be able to bring them home.

Sierra had a small problem with her breathing that she has already overcome. She had to be on a cpac machine that pushed extra air into her lungs when she breathed. She was a little weak from the delivery and was unable to fully fill her lungs at first. Within 48 hours, she was able to do so, and was promptly removed from the machine. She is doing much better, but will still have to meet with an orthopedic surgeon because she has club feet and it will need to be corrected. They have a few options to be able to do so, one is a cast in which they would gradually force her feet to be corrected, they can also do this with a splint. If theses do not work, she will need to undergo surgery to correct them, but they are correctable.

Welcome my sweet daughters. We are so happy to finally meet you, and are looking forward to bringing you home.

Picture

2008-08-21T22:38:00.004-05:00

Well, the request has come in, so here you all go. Here is a picture of me recently. 33 weeks pregnant as of today.

Goodnight everyone.

Updates...

2008-08-21T12:44:00.003-05:00

Well, time is starting to run down. I only have about 1 to 3 weeks to go. YEAH!!! I get to meet my daughters soon.

The unfortunate thing is that they are in vernex-breech position, which means that baby a is head down, and baby b is head up. If baby b does not turn, which is not likely, I will probably have them by c-section. I was really hoping to avoid that, but, as long as it means that they will be healthy, that is all I care about.

I also wanted to send a shout-out to my cousin, Josh, in North Carolina. Gary and I wish you all of the best and a speedy recovery. We hope and pray that they got all of the cancer, and can not wait to hear that all is well for you again. Remember, your family is always there for you and we do wish you all of the best. Recover quick, laugh often, love with all of your heart, and always smile.

Alyssa and Sierra, Mommy and Daddy are anxious for you and we have everything ready for you, please get here soon, but more importantly get here safe and healthy. We love you girls, and already are looking forward to the day when we get to hold you in our arms for the first time. At least one week more.

2 weeks and counting...

2008-08-17T22:46:00.002-05:00

Well, bedrest is finally upon me. I was just told on Friday that my doctor wanted me to cut back my work schedule from full time to part time. This would have been great, except for the fact that my job does not allow for part time employees... Instead, I get bedrest. Yeah...NOT. Ok, bored does not even begin to cover it. It has only been 2 days, and I am already bored. In many ways I can not wait for the girls to get here just so I will have something to do.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that I could be doing, but wanting to do them, or them keeping my mind busy, well, they kind of lack in that area. I have to keep off of my feet as much as possible because they have started to swell if I am on them for too long, and my husband is hovering. Gary is sweet, and I know that he cares, but for my emotional standpoint, I want to be out of bed more, and he pretty much has me strapped down to it. When I am out of the house, which has not been much, he is always watching me. I know that he is just looking out for me, but it is kind of getting on my nerves. Like he is just waiting for the other shoe to drop, or in this case, my water to break.

I talked to him today, and he told me how very excited he is for the babies to get here. He told me that he is not even nervous any more. I am happy to hear that, and want them here as well, I just want to not be under survalence quite so much. He goes to work tomorrow, and in some ways I can not wait. I will miss him and probably be ready for him to come home when he does get here, but I kind of want the peace that will be here as well. I can tell you one thing, it is going to be weird to be at home by myself and not be going to work. I have been working since I was 15, and been in school for what seems like forever. I love multi-tasking and having my plate filled up every day. It keeps me active and happy. To have to completely remove work from that plate leaves too much time in the day to just be wondering what am I going to do.

Well, this week will be filled up with doctors appointments. The non-stress tests have been bumped up to bi-weekly, I have a doctor's appointment, then I still have class on Tuesday nights. Hopefully it will keep me occupied enough that I will not get too bored.

Well, time for bed. Goodnight ya'll.

Tabby

The End is near...

2008-08-04T10:14:00.004-05:00

Well, 4 weeks to go until I will be able to have the girls. This time has been filled with doctors appointments. Not so much at my doctor's office, but everywhere it seems.

I have to start doing Fetal Non-Stress test every week, I still have my ultrasound once a week, and my visits with the doctor are still at every 2 weeks. The good news is that I am still not on bed rest. This is good news because that means that I get more time with my girls when they are born, which I have been told could be as soon as August 28th, but probably no later than the middle of September. Thank goodness that I have made it this far without going on bed rest, but at times now, I think it would be nice. I am tired most of the time, always sore (especially in my back and ribs), and sometimes think that it would be great to just relax. Though I am pretty sure that if I do go on bed rest, that would be great for the first day, then I would be antsy and want to move around again.

I wanted to also let everyone know that Gary and I am very thankful for all of your best wishes, and the gifts that you have bestowed on our girls. We are waiting for the last babyshower (this Friday) before we send out thank you cards, but they should be coming soon.

Thank you again.

Love,
Tabby

Photos of Babies Room

2008-07-25T18:26:00.004-05:00

I have had a few people ask me what the babies' room looks like, so I thought that I would post it for all to see. Here are some photos of the babies' room.

Hospitals, Doctors, Work, Oh My!

2008-07-22T19:20:00.009-05:00

OK, as you can see from the title, it has been a very busy couple of weeks. I'll start from the beginning.

On the 10th I had a doctor's appointment and everything was going fine, until the 11th. Then it got harry. I started having regular contractions and had to go to the hospital to stop them. They gave me this drug that stopped the contractions, but for about a hour or so I looked like I was having a seizure due to the shakes that was a side effect of the drug. Needless to say, I requested to be prescribed something different. I definitely did not want to "freak" my coworkers or husband out when that side effect kicked in. Instead, they gave me a drug that makes me look sunburned and sway like a drunk person. But, it does stop the contractions.

I went the following Monday, and was essentially told that I would probably go on bed rest the following week. I, of course, panic due to the fact that I would not have enough leave and had been told that if I ran out of leave, I would loose my job. No stress, right? In order to prevent stress, Gary and I have been planning for the worst. He has decided to find a second job, and I am on self-imposed bed rest every night after work.

Now, for the good news. It appears that the bed rest worked and bought me some more time at work. I went to the doctor today and was told that I would be able to work to the next appointment. 10 more days!!!! And this gets me to the end of the month. What this essentially means is that I will not loose my job as long as I deliver by 36 weeks. Most people with twins deliver between 34-37 weeks. So all I have to do is get another week after this appointment. I think that bed rest is going to come into play for quite some time, but at least I get to work, and it is not complete bed rest.

5 weeks to 34.... I can make it!!!!

Pregnancy Health Update

2008-07-15T10:06:00.003-05:00

Well, I received a large amount of good news last week. I had been told the month before that one of my babies had a cyst on her brain. I wanted to thank the many people that prayed for her, because it is now gone. I do believe in the power of prayer, and believe that your many prayers helped her overcome this. She has no damage from the cyst and is doing just as well as her sister.

I went in on the 10th of this month, and they told me that bit of good news. They also are happy with their growth and weight, which is now 2 lbs 3 oz and 2 lbs 5 oz. It is a blessing that they are now doing better, and I could not be happier to know that the problem of the cyst is gone.

I have had some problems currently though. I went into early labor on the 11th, but it was stopped. I now have to take a medication to keep me from having contractions and have to now anticipate going on bed rest soon. God, I hope not. It is a little scary, but I know that we will be fine in the end. And, no matter what, it will all be worth it. Even if I wind up loosing a little sanity by being placed on bed rest. :)

Well, just wanted to update everyone on what is going on.

Alyssa and Sierra, know that mommy and daddy love you very much, and we can not wait to meet you.

Love,
Tabby

Not Broken, Expanded

2008-07-08T10:06:00.003-05:00

My husband and I come from two different types of families. In his family, no one has had a divorce, and many of them are not close. It hurts me to see that they are not like my own family, and provides much confusion for my husband because he is not familiar with the complexities of how my family is arranged.

Many people would say that I come from a broken home. That something broke in the family unit. I consider myself lucky. I get to have not just one set of parents, but two. I get to have not just one mom, but in a way I get to have 2. My daughters get to have 3 sets of grandparents instead of 2, (yikes, boy will they be spoiled :) ). My daughters and I get an extra amount of love than people with just one set of parents. So, is my home broken, in an essence yes. My parents do not live together anymore so I do not have what use to be a typical family where both the mother and father live under the same roof. However, I prefer to look at it as a expanded family. I have extra brothers and sisters, and an extra set of people that can love and support my sisters and I.

I can consider myself lucky. I have my mom, who I know loves me very much, and I have my dad's wife, Anne, who also loves and treats me like a daughter. I am blessed, and have come to determine that God decided I needed the extra love and support that a stepmother can provide. And, when the time comes that my mother can meet someone that she wants to spend the rest of her life with, I will also get a stepfather as well. I am lucky this way, and so will my daughters. So, as you can see, my childhood was not in a broken home, just in a home that grew to need 2 houses.

Alyssa and Sierra, I know that I have not met you yet, but I can not wait too, and know always that you have the love of all of your grandparents, and especially the love of your parents. Can't wait to see you.

Love,
Tabby

Another reason to feel blessed

2008-07-02T12:46:00.002-05:00

As mentioned in my last post, I do feel as if I am lucky.

I wanted to mention about a couple more people that have been blessings. I am sorry if this is bothersome to people, but it does help when I am feeling low to be able to count on my blessings and to be able to remember those special to me.

These people are Shaun Timmons and Phillip Timmons. Phillip has always been there for me. There are not many people that I know that I can depend on at any time, and Phillip is one of them for me. He has stepped into the role of being another parent for my sisters and myself many time when my own father was unable to be there. I know consistently that he is there, and it helps to know that I can turn to him. I love you Pickles!!! LOL. Thank you again for always being there.

Shaun, well, what can I say. He takes after his father. He makes me laugh when I am down, and has been more like a brother than a cousin. Just like Phillip, he is dependable and always is able to put a smile on my face. He is a good father to his children, and I know in many ways my husband is looking to him as to how to be a father when our children come.

With these two men, and the many others that have helped, Gary has plenty of people to look to as role models. I know that it helps him because he can observe what his role will need to be, and to have such fine examples of parenting in my family, I can truly say that we are blessed.

Now all I have to do is convince him that he is going to be a great father..... :) With Gary's caring nature, I am sure that he will be.

A Very Special Mom...

2008-07-01T20:39:00.006-05:00

My life has been very blessed in many ways. I have a husband I love more and more each day, friends that I can depend on, and many family members that I can look to as role models.

I just wanted to take a few minutes to recognize one that is an example to me as to how I need to be as a mom.

Her name is Amy. I have posted her picture on this blog. She is without a doubt a wonderful, loving, strong person. What she has had to deal with with her children, she does without a doubt. She consistently just does what she needs to, and in many ways, this is above and beyond what anyone should have to deal with. Her oldest has medical problems, and unfortunately, she just lost her youngest (Ava). Kaden may have his medical problems, but by the loving support of his parents, his is one of the brightest, happiest, most caring children that I have ever had the experience to meet. She is truly amazing, and shows everyday the true power of love through her children. I only hope that I can be as good of a mother as she is to her children.

I just wanted to take the time to recognize how wonderful she is. I love you very much Amy, and am glad that I have the opportunity to mention just how special you are. Your children are very blessed to have you as a mom.

Amy, know and understand that Gary and I love and support you. We wish you all the best, and look up to you and your husband as prime examples parents should be.