New Thoughts on old phrases

I know it is strange, and many are wanting to know about how Sierra is doing, but that is not on my mind most nights. I sit and think about how much of a gift my girls are, how big they are getting, and how proud I am of them. In thinking about this tonight, I remember an old phrase that God does not give you what you can not handle.

I have started to think that I do not believe this. Now, just listen. If God gave us only what we could handle, would our limits be pushed? Would we discover just how much strength we have? How much we have to gain? To loose? Would he put special children like Kaden, Ava, and Sierra in the world knowing how much it hurts their parents in wanting to help them but knowing that in may ways they can't? For these reasons, I do not believe God only gives what we can handle. It is in those times that we have to turn to Him for strength. It is in those times that we lean on him and our faith in Him is renewed. I am not saying that any of the above is bad. I remember the Footprints poem, and how the story is that the man was walking on the beach looking at the sky of pictures of his life. When the man looked back, during the hard times, he sees that there are only one set of prints. In questioning God as to the one set, God responds that it was then He was carrying the man. If the man had not had those difficult times, he would not have turned to God because he would not have had a reason to.

I have come to believe that God pushes all of us beyond what we can handle, so he is capable of helping us through it the first time, leaving behind additional strength so we are capable of handling it as each time comes. I also believe, for parents like Amy and Nate, that they are on speed dial. Otherwise He would not leave such blessings in their care without providing support from Him. I honestly believe that He gives us these special children, not as a worry, or as a something to weaken us, but to give us our faith in Him again and remind us that Life is worth fighting for, because that is what these special children do every day, they fight.

Sierra has a problem. There, I said it. We do not know what it is, and the waiting on test results, and on the ability to take tests, is killing me a little each day. I just want to be able to have her have a normal babyhood, and childhood. I want her to develop and grow normally. Unfortunately this is not happening. I hurt for her. I don't know if she is hurting, because, no matter what, she is smiling. She lights up my world, and she when it becomes a little too much, she only lets out the pain and frustration for a minute, then she is back to smiling, cuddling, and playing. While her battles have been small in comparison to children like Kaden and Ava, she has had many, and I am now seeing her struggle to hold her food down. I know it hurts her when she just can not hold it down, and God knows that she tries so hard, but for some reason she is just not able to hold down all of her bottles everyday. In fact, she has an average of one bottle a day that she can not hold down. I am worried sick about her, but God has found a way to give me strength to give to her, and that is through her and her sister's joy in the little things. They are discovering the world, and I am lucky to be able to watch and re-experience it with them.

Well, I can not see the screen anymore though my tears, so I will say goodnight for now. Love and blessings to you all.

Tabby