Post Partum Depression

This is a topic that many people do not talk about. I did not know much about it until I was diagnosed just a few months ago. I was crying for no reason, and really just felt down all the time. I love my girls, and did not have thoughts of hurting them, which is why I did not believe that I had PPD.

I found out that you do not have to have these thoughts to have PPD. The simplest way that can describe PPD is a lack of control of your emotions up to the point of emotional breakdowns and uncontrollable crying. This is what was happening to me. I would have periods where I would cry for no reason, and times where I would be angry. Most episodes occur from excess anxiety, which is why anti-anxiety medication is the first type of treatment given.

The problem that I am starting to notice is that I am still having the emotional swings. I still have occasions where my anxiety and stress build up beyond what the medication can seem to handle, and I will loose control. The feeling of loosing control is extremely scary to me. It is why I sought help. I am not ashamed to have PPD. I understand that 1 of every 2 women that have children have PPD.

Having a child is a blessing. I love my children more than I can begin to express. Having PPD in control is very important to keep it from turning into more serious complications, and keep us from potentially causing unintential harm to our children. People are so afraid to talk about this problem, however, talking about the condition and accepting it is one of the first stages to overcoming it.

While I am on medication to help this, it is still hard to control my emotions at times. The recognition of these times is vital as well. In these times, people with any kind of depression generally turn inward. Being able to communicate with others about how the individual is feeling is also important in regaining control of emotions.

I can speak personally that during my low times, I tend to become withdrawn, lose focus on what I am trying to do, and can even start to feel like I just want to give up or give in to the depression.

It is hard for me to express the feeling of being low. It is like a lack of being able to achieve happiness. Seeing the bad is normal, but dwelling on it continuously and even trying to see the good but only seeing the bad even in the good is not normal. It is a lack of seeing any good or being able to be happy even when something would normally make you that way.

Luckily for me, I have more highs than lows, but the lows really drag on me. The littlest things become larger than they really are, and the big things seem impossible. It feels like you are just bogged down, and because I will make more out of it than it really is, it breaks down my emotional barriers causing me to eventually lose control and start to cry for no reason. This is one of the major symptoms of PPD.

This is why I have tried to make positive postings. They are a way of me to look back and focus on the good that has happened by reading it over and over when I feel low. They are a way of lightening the stress that weighs me down, and makes me see that there is good. My girls are overall healthy, happy babies. Most moms couldn't ask for more than I get from them. When I hear of possible problems, like with Sierra's neck, I panick. I think what now, how can my daughter have another hurdle to jump, and forget that she is a fighter, that they are both fighters, and that it could be a whole lot worse.

So, I will continue to try to keep this upbeat, but do know that it is to help me as well. Until then, here are some new photos of my girls.