Photos

As mentioned in my last email, my retrieval system to get my photos from my camera is down. However, I have found a way around that, so here are some new photos. The first ones are from when my mom was here last. (She tries to come once a month to see the girls, Gary, and me.)

The next set of photos came when we went to see my grandma. We went the week before Thanksgiving. My cousins son, Kaden, is looking so well. It was great to see him and his parents. It was also great to see how great of a big brother he was to Ava and will be to Brody. He really impressed my husband and I by helping his mom change my daughter's diaper.

The girls had so much fun meeting Miles, my Grandma (aka Nana, not pictured), and Marilyn.

And Cousin Amy bought a pretty outfit for both Sierra and Alyssa. Alyssa is in her outfit in the picture above with Miles, and Sierra is pictured below. The week after Thanksgiving, we were visited by my uncle, David.

The week of Thanksgiving, our plans were cancelled. Instead of going to my fathers as we had planned, we went to Dallas and saw my cousin Shaun, his wife Erica, and his father Phillip.

SoonerStart

Well, I am sorry that I have not posted in a while. I started back at work recently, and with that and school is making it hard to post.

Here is an update on the girls. Earlier this week they had a weight check and nutrition appointment at WIC. The good news is that they are gaining weight. Sierra is now 8lbs 5 oz, and Alyssa is 8lbs. They are still a little under weight, but seem to be gaining so it is not so much a concern any more.

However, with them not having the weight that they should have had, their muscles did not develop quick enough, so now they have some development issues. Primarily because they were early, but also due to the weight issues.

Oklahoma has this program that I mentioned above. It is for children like mine that are behind in their development. It is a free program that offers weekly nurse visits, doctor visits, and visits by physical, behavorial, and speech therapists for up to age 3 for these children. To get in the program, a persons child has to be at least a cumulative total of 50% behind. My daughters qualified. It is one of those things that I am looking at in different ways now. While I did not want them to get this diagnosis, it is a good thing that since they need it they qualify. For that, and all they help we get from family and friends, we are blessed.

Thanksgiving was ok. Two weeks prior we went up to Kansas so the girls could meet Amy, her mom Cindy and dad Tom, and their Nana (my grandmother). Everyone, including the kids, got a kick out of the twins. They were loved instantly. What can I say, I have the BEST family, both in my husband's relatives, and in my own.

For thanksgiving, the girls got to meet more people. We went to see my cousin Shaun and his family. It is rather special for me since Shaun and I grew up more as brother and sister than cousins. His father was there for me when mine was unable to be, and my mother was there for Shaun in the same way. Again, everyone fell in love with the girls. They behaved rather well, and have even with the large amount of people that they have met. They remain calm through it all and still mainly fuss only when they need attention.

Well, the girls are now 14 weeks old. It has been a crazy road so far, and I know that there will only be more as we go on, but I would not trade it for anything. I would not like to repeat it, but I am also glad that I have this opportunity to be their mother. I continue to try to do the very best for them, and continue to just do, learning new things every day in their care. The strange thing is that it is not the basics that I am learning, but quirky things. For instance, the soft spot on a childs head is used to tell hydration. If it is caved in, then the child is dehydrated and needs fluids quick.

Since I am not breastfeeding anymore, I am only pumping, I have to mix the breastmilk with formula. I gave a bottle of this mixture to Sierra one time, not knowing that the breastmilk had gone bad. Sierra refused to eat it and continued to fuss. We gave her a new bottle with milk from a different container, and it was fine. So, there again, I learned that even if I can not tell, my daughter will tell me. Gosh, they are so smart.

Well, it is getting late. I am going to try to get some sleep (maybe) while I can.

10 weeks old

Time really does fly. It seems like only yesterday I was giving birth and worrying about them during their stay in the hospital. Well, the hospital stay is over, Sierra's feet are straight and are now just in shoes to keep them that way, and they have both finally started to gain weight. In fact, on this last Friday, they were taken off of the regular weight checks because they gained a whole pound in one week. Sierra now weights 7lbs 2oz and Alyssa is at 6lbs 3oz. I know, for 2 months old this is still too small, but considering that they were born 6 weeks early, it is a great improvement.
I have a meeting this week with a nurse. She is going to come interview me and see if we are candidates for SoonerCare (Oklahoma's nurse on call and medical insurance program for children), primarily for the nurse at home checkups. They are wanting to monitor the girls' weight gains, since it has not been where it should be.
We are also in a family counselling study. We get to attend marriage, family and parenting group counseling classes that teach us improved techniques in hopes that they will be able to lower the divorce rate in Oklahoma. We get paid to attend these classes, and it teaches how to still be a couple while being parents, how to encourage each other and our children, as well as general care of infants, and communication techniques. It is, to say the least, very informative and interesting. It is overall an idea generator.
The unfortunate thing is that next Monday, on the 17th, I go back to work. I originally thought that I would be looking forward to it. The closer and closer it gets, however, I am getting sadder. I want to stay with my girls. I love them so much and do not want to have to take them to a sitter, even though it is a friend of ours. I will not be there to see to their needs during the day, and am dreading turning that over to anyone. Even if it is only for a short time. I am afraid that my first day back all I will accomplish is crying my eyes out. This is not a good thing. Crying is generally frowned upon when you are working in the customer service industry.
We are also going to see my grandma and my aunts, uncles, and cousins that live in northern Kansas. We are looking forward to seeing you and introducing you to our little miracles.
Mommy and daddy love you girls. You mean the world to us.

Tummy Time for Alyssa

Today, I thought that since I showed off Sierra's amazing skills on her belly, it was time for everyone to see Alyssa's. I can not believe how much their situation is improving. As you can tell, she is finally gaining weight. I am glad that the formula is working, and I am also starting to notice that what I am pumping is getting less transparent in color. I believe that this means that there is more nutrients in it. I hope so. I know that it may sound like false hope, but it could mean that I might get to start breastfeeding them again. I will find out on November 7. I know that they have to put on more weight yet, but maybe when they have caught up, if the milk is still coming in with this consistency, then I might be able to again. I sure hope so.
Well, without further ado, here is Alyssa...

Our first Halloween

Halloween was a bit of fun for the girls. With the night being so beautiful, we took the girls out with some friends of ours. The oldest boy and girl are the girls' babysitter's kids.

The next picture is of her friend and her kid, another one that she babysits.

And here are the girls in their stroller. Prior to trick-or-treating, they came with me to my job for a company costume contest. We won a minor prize. What they said was rather funny. They said that last year she(me) was a chicken, well over the year she seems to have laid her eggs and brought them with her. So they gave me an award for being brave. It was rather funny.

We did not get any candy, as the girls are obviously too little, just mainly walked with our friends as their kids went up to the houses. I am looking forward to next year and them actually being able to participate. It was a very nice night all the same.

First one thing, then another...

Well, it seems that we have come so far from the hospital, but some of the problems still remain. I had a weight check this past week. The girls actually failed. They are not gaining weight like they should be. I am now no longer able to breastfeed them exclusively. After their appointment this last Thursday, I had to schedule an appointment with their doctor. He agreed with the findings, so now I am back to pumping. The girls are now getting 2 oz of a special formula mixed with 1 oz breast milk. It is difficult, because I feel that I have been starving them, and not intentionally. I tried so hard to be able to breastfeed them, but they were not get enough calories from it.
The good news is that the formula is working. They are finally starting to gain weight. I just am left feeling like a failure to provide for them, or not to notice it sooner and be able to take action sooner. Alyssa is at a very dangerous weight. She was only weighing 5lbs4oz at 18" long. This means that my baby girl was so skinny that she had nothing, but I did not think it was a cause for concern. She had been so skinny from when she was born, I thought that it was just how she was going to be. I did not know that I was not providing enough food for her. I am thankful that it was discovered before she had to go back into the hospital, but I still feel responsible. I should of noticed it and saw someone immediately before she got that skinny.
Sierra also was not gaining weight fast enough, but it was not as bad as her sister. I feel like we are getting past one hurdle, only to find another immediately in front of us. When do we get to stop having these problems??? I would really like to have a break from facing these minor issues. Yes, I do know that they are minor, but we can not seem to get past them. We get past one, and have another.
Sierra, though, has had enough weight to try to meet some milestones. I am going to stop griping, because seeing Sierra try to figure out how to crawl is amazing since only 2 months ago we were afraid that she would not be able to do this this soon. She has got her legs figured out, as you can see in the video. She just can not lift her upper body yet. Keep trying baby girl, you'll get there.

Alyssa, we love you and your sister very much. Keep fighting, and I promise to pay more attention. I am sorry that I did not notice sooner.

Before & After & her new shoes!!!

Well, the cast is off... here is what she looked like before.

And here is what they look like now. Boy what a difference.

Here is her new shoes that she has to wear until she is at least 2 years old to keep her feet from growing back to club.

After seeing this, it makes it so much easier to accept the casts, crying, and everything that we had to do to get there. Hang in there babygirl. We are so happy about your progress.

Hubby tag

I saw this on Kaden and Angel Ava's website. I agree with you Amy, this is a great way to show our love for our husbands.


Here is my Handsome Husband

1. Full Name: I really rather not give it all, but his name is Gary.

2. How long we have been married: We just celebrated our 3rd anniversary in September.

3. How long did we date: 3 years

4. Who eats the sweets: I am the major sweet eater, but Gary will eat them on special occasions, and cookies occasionally.

5.Who said "I Love You" first: That would be me. I did not mean for it to come out, but it did in a phone message. I told him that I would meet him somewhere, then ended it with I Love You. I did not even realize that I said it until he told me. How silly is that.

6. Who's Taller: Uhh...Duh that would be Gary. I am so short. He pretty much towers over me at close to 6 feet, and I am only 5'2.

7. Who sings better: That one is me. I love to hear him sing as he does not do it very often, but he tells me all the time that I am the better singer.

8. Who is smarter: That depends. I believe there is all kinds of smarts. Gary is definately common sense smart, and I am book smart.

9. Who does the laundry: Right now, both of us. But mostly, it is Gary. I lucked out there.

10. Who pays the bills: This would also be Gary. He is better with personal finance, or should I say more anal about it. He stays on top of things like that. Kind of funny considering that I am studying to be an accountant.

11. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed: This use to be me, but we now have the playpen in our room for our daughters, and it can only be on the Left side as that is the only place we have room, so we have switched.

12. Who moes the lawn: This is also Gary. I was never taught how to do this obscure chore, even though I love the smell of fresh cut grass. Go fig.

13. Who cooks dinner: This is me!!! Gary does the dishes, most of the time, after.

14. Who drives: Most of the time this is Gary. I get really sleepy on long car trips and have dozed at the wheel, so it is much safer for Gary to drive. Now if I could just get him to slow down a little. :)

15. Who admits when they are wrong: This would be both of us, but usually Gary first.

16. Who asked who out first: We both kind of did. We met through a dating service, and he was charged with calling me up. We talked for hours before he said "What the h***", and I said immediatly after "lets meet up". We met at the mall close to where I lived at the time, and the rest is as you can say, history.

17. Who wears the pants: I have a funny saying about this. It is that he can wear the pants just as long as he remembers who washed them (being me on a nice day). We have a role reversal in our house, and I usually get my way, but Gary does as well when it is important. Most of the time we compromise.

18. What does he do that surprises you: I have never had anyone just be there for me. It sounds lame, but even when we are arguing, I know that he is just trying to figure out how to stand with me. He does the housework, or most of it, and he brags about me going to school and completing my degree. He encourages me to succeed, and he is there in a hundred little ways, but occasionally misses the big ones. I would say that it is not what he does that surprises me, but simply who he is.

19. What is your favorite feature on him: I would say his eyes. It is what first got me. When he is talking to me or looking at me, you can see the world in them, and I am the center of it. Now, it is me and his daughter that are. Just look at the picture above and you can see what I am talking about. He focuses in on what he sees, and that is it for him.

20.What is your favorite quality he has: He is an awesome listener. This is what will make him a great dad when the girls get old enough to talk.

21. Does he have a nickname for you: Just the usual ones.

22. What is his favorite food: This is so easy, he is my spaghetti man.

23. What is his favorite sport: He loves to watch football and basketball, but he only plays videogames.

24. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple: We like to watch movies and play on the Wii together. I am sure this is going to change when the girls get older though. It is nice that the simple things is what we most enjoy though.

25. Does he have any hidden talents: His ability to take things in stride and continue to push on no matter what. I would have to say that is one h*** of a talent.

26. What do you admire most about him: His ability to listen. I know this seems silly, but it is an excellent quality that I think is missing in many people. Myself included.

27. What is his favorite color: blue or green

28. How did he propose: Ok, this is odd and it seemed to be horrible to me at the time. I was with him when he purchased the ring. I got tired of waiting for him to find the "right" time as he said, so I set the scene for him. I took him out to the most romantic italian restaurant in the city, named Belini's, then brought him home for a carpet picnic of chocolate covered strawberries (that I made myself), and sparkling white grape juice. I had candles lit on the floor around the blanket that we used. We were just laying there then he told me that he did not want to be my boyfriend anymore. I asked him what, he repeated, then I said I got that and was wondering what he ment, he repeated again. I got angry and asked him when he wanted me to move out then. He said, no, you don't get it, I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore. I said I get it, well, I yelled it. He then said, I want to be more, will you marry me. It is starting to seem funny and special now, but at the time I was really mad, and said yes you idiot. ( I don't really think that he is an idiot, but I was really mad, what can I say?)

I love you so much sweetheart. The best decision I ever made was to say yes to you. I am proud of our lives and love you more than anything. Our daughters have a GREAT father.

Thoughts...

Tomorrow, we take Sierra's casts off permanently. I am so excited. Yes, she is still being treated, but it will be shoes that we can take off for increasing periods of time, and I will get to give her actual baths instead of sponge ones. (She really hates sponge baths.) It seems kind of silly, but it feels like she will be more of a normal kid then.
I am still concerned with how she will walk, and have decided that if she needs it, she will go into dance to help her learn muscle control when she gets older. I am hoping that she does not have a "funny" walk due to the casts and braces. I want her to have everything, and I know how cruel kids can be.
Alyssa is doing good, I just wish that she would start to "chunk up" as Sierra has done. Alyssa definitely has her daddy's build and metabolism. The kid EATS. Breastfeeding now takes about an hour to complete. It is a really long time to just sit there, but I get to stare at their beautiful faces and know that it is worth every minute.
Well, starting tomorrow, I go back to the classroom for school. It will be the first time that their daddy has to take care of them at night for a few hours alone. I am nervous about this as he panics when they cry and looks to me to tell him what might be wrong. I know it comes from not wanting to do something wrong, but it still makes me a little nervous. I also know that I will miss them dreadfully, but know that in a way it is preparing me to go back to work soon. The day is rapidly approaching, and I do not want to have to. I know that I must, but I know I will worry constantly until I get to see them at the end of the day.
I know this jumps from subject to subject, but that is how it came to me. I will post before and after photos of Sierra's feet soon. Until then...
I love you girls so much, and am so proud to be your mommy.

Casts, Braces, and a long wait....

Well, here is an update from the doctors on Sierra.
The surgery is pretty much eliminated.
She is on her either her last or second to last cast... YEAH!!!
She will have to wear special shoes for 2 to 6 years... Yikes.

OK, here is an explanation of the last item. Due to the casts, I found out that all kids that undergo this treatment develop atrophy in the foot, or in this case, feet, and in the calf muscle. she is going to have to wear shoes with a brace that goes up her legs for a couple of years. she will be able to crawl and walk with the braces, and the amount of time will start out 24-7, then will gradually decrease until she does not have to wear them.

So, in closing, the good news is that she is coming out of her casts soon, and her feet will be healed, mostly. Now, we will just have to build up strength in her legs so she can behave as a normal kid. Boy, will we be glad when this is over.

6 weeks old and thinking back...

I got to thinking the other day about how my childhood was a prequel to having my daughters. It is strange, but when I was growing up and playing with dolls my friends would play with one baby, while I always insisted on 2. I would tell everyone that one day I would have twins. I was eight and telling everyone what would one day come to pass. I did not use the names that I had picked out then, Sara and Tara. I am glad that I didn't too. My daughters do not look like those names. I just thought that it was strange that I knew I would not have a single birth.

Well, my daughters are 6 weeks old on Friday. It is strange looking back on what it was like with them in the hospital. At times, it feels like it was just a bad dream. Then, when they are fussing the most, I occasionally want them back there so I can get some sleep. I do not want their health to be back there, just the extra help that I had while they were in the hospital. I knew that a nurse was close by to answer my fears, and to help me with them. I did not have the worries that I do now. Am I doing everything right? Am I providing them everything they need? Are they growing right? Am I providing enough food for them since I am breastfeeding? Etc... All of my answers were right there, and everything was monitored. I am scared that I am doing something wrong, but keep doing just to try to do my best for them.

On a more positive note, my family has been having fears about my cat. They are afraid that he is going to hurt them. OK, my cat is psychotic (he runs for no reason, and attacks insects through the glass, and he thinks he is a hairdresser), but actually it is strange. He just goes up to the girls, sniffs them, then either walks away or sits close to them watching them. It is like he is saying, I don't know who they are but they are small and I will protect them. He did the same with me while I was pregnant. He was just always there. It was actually kind of comforting, and I think that even then he knew they were coming. He does not bother them, and does not really come near them, just is near by as if to say that if he is needed, he is there.

Well, it is also the end of the third week of treatment for Sierra, and I am anxious to find out how her feet are doing. I will let you know later.

Women's Health Month

Many people are aware of this being Breast Cancer awareness month, but I propose it being changed to women's health month. I propose this because there are more things than breast cancer that kill women. In fact, women are more likely to die from a heart related issue than men, and there are other diseases that affect women, while they may not be killers, they certainly are not very well heard of and can cause other problems in their lives. I have one such disease.
It is called PCOS. This stands for poly cystic ovarian syndrome. The disease is rare, and causes problems with reproduction, lactation, and can eventually cause infertility. This is in part how I got my twins. I was diagnosed with PCOS prior to getting pregnant when we found out that I was not producing eggs. They ran several tests to try to find out why I was not ovulating, and come to find out, I had this disease. Luckily, I was not too far along in this disease, because then I would not have had my daughters.
What happens is that as the disease progresses, it causes the walls of the ovaries to harden, eventually not allowing eggs to pass causing the ovaries to shut down completely. If caught early enough, children can still be a possibility, but it has to be caught. Many of the symptoms are similar to that of endometriosis or simple cysts. The difference is that for people with PCOS, the cysts do not form naturally, they start out as an egg that partially develops then mutates into a cyst that ruptures out onto the outside of the ovary. The cyst eventually ruptures, causing scar tissue to form on the ovary. This scar tissue hardens the walls of the ovaries, which makes it difficult for an egg to pass.
Like with most female organ problems, pregnancy can eliminate the problem, but not always. I still do not know if I have the disease, and it will not be found out until I have another cyst rupture. I hope that my pregnancy did correct it, but if not, then I have been given the gift of them.
I just wanted others to be aware of this disease. If I had been more aware of it, then I could have suggested I get tested for it when the problem started and I might not have had to have the fertility treatments to get pregnant. Thank god that they were able to work though. I love my daughters very much and am happy that I am able to have them in my husband's and my life.

Photos

These two are from a visit we had with Grandma and Grandpa Carter (Gary's Parents)

My mom's boyfriend's relatives found dresses in preemie sizes. Seeing as we could not find any, I really wish I knew where they were found. Anyway, they looked so cute, I couldn't resist taking a few photos of them. Here is Sierra:

And here is Alyssa:

I cannot believe how much they have grown. Slow down Girls!!! LOL.

After week one of treatment

While it is still hard to see our sweet baby in a cast, we were reaffirmed last Thursday why we are doing this for her. When they took off that cast and put on the next one, it was amazing the progress her feet had made. Even the doctor looked optimistic. He said that if things progress as quick as they did that week, then she might not need surgery after all... GOD I hope so. I really do not want to have to put her through that as well.
They went ahead and put new casts on her feet, and now her feet look like they are backwards.... but it is only an optical illusion.
They are 4 weeks old now. Boy, time sure does fly. They are both getting so big. They still wear some preemie clothes, but they are starting to grow out of them. Soon, I will be putting them in more newborn onesies. Alyssa is growing in length, and Sierra is putting on some chunk. It is so cute to see them as such. I only hope that Alyssa starts putting some meat on. She is one strong baby, and has amazing muscle tone, but I don't like seeing her so skinny. They both eat a lot, they are just putting their weight on differently. Alyssa is looking more and more like her daddy body wise, and me face wise. Sierra seems to be the opposite, looking like her daddy in the face and me in the body. It is neat to see. I am really enjoying seeing us in them.
Girls, keep going strong. Daddy and I love you and are happy that you are home.

And the times get tougher...

Well, this last Friday, Sierra started treatment for her club feet. It is hard to deal with because she is in casts that start at her feet and go up to her hips. The doctor told us that it is harder on us than her, but I know my baby girl is hurting. The first night was so tough. We could not do anything for her other than soothe her. I can not tell her that it is better that it get fixed now, that the pain will be shorter this way, that it is for the best, or any of the things parents want to tell their child when they know they are hurting. All I can do is stare at this precious angel and know she is in pain and I can not do anything to help. I have discovered that the old saying, "this is going to hurt me more than you", to fit in this instance. She is fine with the cast now, but I know when the new one this week gets put on, it is going to be a repeat. I know that this is going to probably hurt even more, because we now know what is going to happen, but our little girl does not.

The girls had their check-up today, and the doctor said that they are doing well. They have both gained weight. Alyssa had to have her billiruben checked again, her jaundice is back, but appears to be mild. Sierra is doing well other than her feet. The nurses at the office all fell in love with the girls, and shortly after we walked in, the girls had a mini-parade where every nurse saw them. It was quite funny, and sweet how everyone was taken with them. I just stood there and watched all the nurses follow this routine of sanitize, hold a baby, pass, repeat. It was cute.

I am still waiting on the results of Alyssa's bloodwork and Sierra will get a new cast later this week. Sierra will be getting a new one every week for a while, and they said that treatment will last 2 to 4 months. I am hoping that it is closer to the 2 month time frame.

Girls, Daddy and I love you very much, and I know we will be able to look back on all of this and think it was not so hard, but right now, with everything that you both have been through, it is tough for all of us. We love you and do not want to see you in pain. Daddy even cried when he saw you, Sierra, in so much pain. It is so hard for us to see that. We don't want to do anything that causes either of you any pain, but know that in this case we must. Keep that smile on. We love to see it.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Home at last...

Yesterday we finally got to bring our daughters home. It was so wonderful. They got released at 3pm, and I could not have been happier. While we did not get much sleep last night, Gary and I are both pleased to have our little girls home. Thank you all for your prayers. I am sure that this probably would not have happened quite so soon without them.

Amy, in a way, I think that Ava is looking out for our entire family. I am sure that she had a part in bringing my girls home as she did in you getting a healthy baby boy this pregnancy. I want you to know that although I did not get to meet her, she has touched our lives. She has shown Gary and I that every minute is precious and to treasure each one. That being said, we wish you the best with your little boy and know that Ava is probably in Grandpa's hands sending down all of her love and watching over her baby brother until he is born. She truely is your guardian angel and I know from her pictures that she knew she was loved, and knows that she is loved still.
With Kaden, he is definately the families little miracle. He is one of the sweetest little boys that I have ever met, and I feel that he is truely a blessing to all of us. He shows us the way we all should be. I know that it may sound selfish, but both Kaden and Ava are reminders to me when I feel like complaining over little things. I look at their pictures and think to myself that if anyone has a right to complain it is your two precious children, and they bring nothing but smiles.
Anyway, know that you and Nate continue to be an inspiration, and I just hope that we can do as well with our two.

photos

Motherhood...

After Kaden was born, I use to wonder how Amy dealt with it. With her son being so sick, and never knowing if that day would be his last. Then, I saw her do it again with Ava, and seeing her still dealing with the loss of her precious daughter. I would think to myself that I could never handle having a sick child. I would be in wonderment over the strength that she has shown day in and day out and wish that I could be such a wonderful mother when my time came.

Well, my time has come. During my pregnancy, I would pray that my daughters be healthy and that I would get to bring them home. God, I guess, had a different plan. He decided to answer my question in how Amy and Nate got through it. While my daughters and far better off than Kaden and Ava were when they were born, there has been many steps that they have had to take to get to where they would be able to come home. Now that I am at the end of their hospital stay (they should be coming home soon according to the doctor), I realize how they did it. It is the simpliest and hardest thing to do, and that is simply you just do. You take everything that you get from them and be thankful everyday that you got that. It is amazing how the simple things wind up being the hardest, and the hardest the simplist. It is easiest for me when I am doing, when I am taking care of my girls or simply sitting in the rocking chair that is in their section of the nursery and watching them. Leaving them there everyday tears my heart out. The fear that I will get a call from the hospital that something bad has happened hits then and does not leave until I see them the next day.

The nurses and my husband say that I have the "baby blues". I simply call it motherhood.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I know in my heart that they have reached Heaven, because my girls are being prepaired to come home. I now must ask for the prayers to go out for one of my teachers in college. They had a little girl named Parker, who was born 3 days prior to my daughters. She was born 8 weeks early and underwent minor brain surgery the next day. She had a large fluid buildup on her brain that had to be drained for her survival. She is doing well, but I feel that prayers would be a help for her.

I also wanted to send Congrats out to Amy and Nate again. I was so happy to hear that your sono came out well, and continue to pray for Kaden, peace for Ava, and a healthy, happy delivery of your baby boy. We love you guys so much, and the girls send their love.

Kangaroo Care

Prior to the girls being removed from NICU, we had been doing kangaroo care. For those that do not know what this is, it is where the parents take off their shirt and hold the baby skin to skin. This is very helpful for premature infants because it helps their body to learn how to hold their temperature, can calm a baby, provide comfort, and help their digestive system. For the mothers of premature infants, it helps their milk come in, and provides reassurance that their baby really is OK. This program has proven to help reduce the preemie death rate drastically, and is being used in several underdeveloped countries that do not have the health care that the US has.

What was strange about our kangaroo sessions is that I have twins, and that Gary actually participated. To many, this would not seem strange, but while we doing this, we found out that many fathers did not do this for their children, on the moms. I found this odd, but when the nurse told me that many times dads are afraid to hold their children in fear that they would hurt them, it started to make sense. I took pictures of both of us kangarooing our children. Here they are:

The blanket is used to keep the baby warm in all areas that are not touching skin. This is Alyssa kangarooing with her dad. The strange part of this picture, is this is not the typical kangaroo hold. The typical hold would be to put the baby on your chest, but while she was in NICU, she would get fussy if we tried this, so we had to modify to help her get the most from it.

All of our pictures are of Alyssa being kangarooed. We could not hold Sierra for several days. She was very sensitive to touch and it would cause her to panic. To be able to get her stable, we could only touch her and not hold. Things are better with her now. I was holding her in the kangaroo position and she actually started to "root". This is very encouraging for me that she was because it means that she was looking for my breast to nurse. Considering that she is not very interested in the bottle, I was very pleased that she seemed to want to try to nurse. I can not start trying until I get approval from the doctor, but I am going to talk to him today and see what he says. Hopefully he will let me start soon, pumping sucks!

Update on the girls

Well, Alyssa and Sierra just completed their first graduation today. They have been removed from the jaundice lights and have been taken out of NICU. They are now in incubators. They are also being started on bottle feeding. Once they are able to accomplish the bottle feeding they will be able to start breastfeeding. They do not anticipate any problems in the switch since both girls have been getting my expressed breast milk and seem to like the taste. I am confident that once we try breastfeeding and they know that is where it comes from, it will be a pretty smooth transition.

Also, they are still on IVs because they are not quite getting enough fluids, but they are being increased at least every other day. It was really awesome to see them out of the NICU and in the incubators, although it is a little awkward trying to take their temperatures and change their diapers, both of which we have been doing since they were first admitted to NICU.

Alyssa and Sierra,
Good job girls on all the progress, they day is getting here soon when we will be able to bring you home. We love you very much and are very proud of both of you.

Introducing...

On Thursday, I went into labor at about 8:30 pm. We were admitted to the hospital after our scheduled visit with my doctor.

After continuing to labor and getting evaluated by the doctors, they decided that it was time to meet my daughters. I delivered them at 4:53 and 4:54 pm on Friday via c-section. So, I would like to introduce to you all my precious daughters.

Sierra Dawn Carter. Born: 4:53. 5lbs, 17.2" long

Alyssa Leighanne Carter. Born: 4:54 pm, 4lbs 10.7 oz, 16 1/4"

Unfortunately, they will not be able to come home until about 2 weeks after they were born. They were 6 weeks premature and are receiving help from the wonderful nurses at Integris Southwest to be able to come home. They have a small amount of Jondas that is being treated, and they will need to be able to maintain their body heat, feed on their own, and hold down their food before they will be released. They anticipate their ability to overcome these difficulties in about 2 weeks. I can not wait to be able to bring them home.

Sierra had a small problem with her breathing that she has already overcome. She had to be on a cpac machine that pushed extra air into her lungs when she breathed. She was a little weak from the delivery and was unable to fully fill her lungs at first. Within 48 hours, she was able to do so, and was promptly removed from the machine. She is doing much better, but will still have to meet with an orthopedic surgeon because she has club feet and it will need to be corrected. They have a few options to be able to do so, one is a cast in which they would gradually force her feet to be corrected, they can also do this with a splint. If theses do not work, she will need to undergo surgery to correct them, but they are correctable.

Welcome my sweet daughters. We are so happy to finally meet you, and are looking forward to bringing you home.

Picture

Well, the request has come in, so here you all go. Here is a picture of me recently. 33 weeks pregnant as of today.

Goodnight everyone.

Updates...

Well, time is starting to run down. I only have about 1 to 3 weeks to go. YEAH!!! I get to meet my daughters soon.

The unfortunate thing is that they are in vernex-breech position, which means that baby a is head down, and baby b is head up. If baby b does not turn, which is not likely, I will probably have them by c-section. I was really hoping to avoid that, but, as long as it means that they will be healthy, that is all I care about.

I also wanted to send a shout-out to my cousin, Josh, in North Carolina. Gary and I wish you all of the best and a speedy recovery. We hope and pray that they got all of the cancer, and can not wait to hear that all is well for you again. Remember, your family is always there for you and we do wish you all of the best. Recover quick, laugh often, love with all of your heart, and always smile.

Alyssa and Sierra, Mommy and Daddy are anxious for you and we have everything ready for you, please get here soon, but more importantly get here safe and healthy. We love you girls, and already are looking forward to the day when we get to hold you in our arms for the first time. At least one week more.

2 weeks and counting...

Well, bedrest is finally upon me. I was just told on Friday that my doctor wanted me to cut back my work schedule from full time to part time. This would have been great, except for the fact that my job does not allow for part time employees... Instead, I get bedrest. Yeah...NOT. Ok, bored does not even begin to cover it. It has only been 2 days, and I am already bored. In many ways I can not wait for the girls to get here just so I will have something to do.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of things that I could be doing, but wanting to do them, or them keeping my mind busy, well, they kind of lack in that area. I have to keep off of my feet as much as possible because they have started to swell if I am on them for too long, and my husband is hovering. Gary is sweet, and I know that he cares, but for my emotional standpoint, I want to be out of bed more, and he pretty much has me strapped down to it. When I am out of the house, which has not been much, he is always watching me. I know that he is just looking out for me, but it is kind of getting on my nerves. Like he is just waiting for the other shoe to drop, or in this case, my water to break.

I talked to him today, and he told me how very excited he is for the babies to get here. He told me that he is not even nervous any more. I am happy to hear that, and want them here as well, I just want to not be under survalence quite so much. He goes to work tomorrow, and in some ways I can not wait. I will miss him and probably be ready for him to come home when he does get here, but I kind of want the peace that will be here as well. I can tell you one thing, it is going to be weird to be at home by myself and not be going to work. I have been working since I was 15, and been in school for what seems like forever. I love multi-tasking and having my plate filled up every day. It keeps me active and happy. To have to completely remove work from that plate leaves too much time in the day to just be wondering what am I going to do.

Well, this week will be filled up with doctors appointments. The non-stress tests have been bumped up to bi-weekly, I have a doctor's appointment, then I still have class on Tuesday nights. Hopefully it will keep me occupied enough that I will not get too bored.

Well, time for bed. Goodnight ya'll.

Tabby

The End is near...

Well, 4 weeks to go until I will be able to have the girls. This time has been filled with doctors appointments. Not so much at my doctor's office, but everywhere it seems.

I have to start doing Fetal Non-Stress test every week, I still have my ultrasound once a week, and my visits with the doctor are still at every 2 weeks. The good news is that I am still not on bed rest. This is good news because that means that I get more time with my girls when they are born, which I have been told could be as soon as August 28th, but probably no later than the middle of September. Thank goodness that I have made it this far without going on bed rest, but at times now, I think it would be nice. I am tired most of the time, always sore (especially in my back and ribs), and sometimes think that it would be great to just relax. Though I am pretty sure that if I do go on bed rest, that would be great for the first day, then I would be antsy and want to move around again.

I wanted to also let everyone know that Gary and I am very thankful for all of your best wishes, and the gifts that you have bestowed on our girls. We are waiting for the last babyshower (this Friday) before we send out thank you cards, but they should be coming soon.

Thank you again.

Love,
Tabby

Photos of Babies Room

I have had a few people ask me what the babies' room looks like, so I thought that I would post it for all to see. Here are some photos of the babies' room.

Hospitals, Doctors, Work, Oh My!

OK, as you can see from the title, it has been a very busy couple of weeks. I'll start from the beginning.

On the 10th I had a doctor's appointment and everything was going fine, until the 11th. Then it got harry. I started having regular contractions and had to go to the hospital to stop them. They gave me this drug that stopped the contractions, but for about a hour or so I looked like I was having a seizure due to the shakes that was a side effect of the drug. Needless to say, I requested to be prescribed something different. I definitely did not want to "freak" my coworkers or husband out when that side effect kicked in. Instead, they gave me a drug that makes me look sunburned and sway like a drunk person. But, it does stop the contractions.

I went the following Monday, and was essentially told that I would probably go on bed rest the following week. I, of course, panic due to the fact that I would not have enough leave and had been told that if I ran out of leave, I would loose my job. No stress, right? In order to prevent stress, Gary and I have been planning for the worst. He has decided to find a second job, and I am on self-imposed bed rest every night after work.

Now, for the good news. It appears that the bed rest worked and bought me some more time at work. I went to the doctor today and was told that I would be able to work to the next appointment. 10 more days!!!! And this gets me to the end of the month. What this essentially means is that I will not loose my job as long as I deliver by 36 weeks. Most people with twins deliver between 34-37 weeks. So all I have to do is get another week after this appointment. I think that bed rest is going to come into play for quite some time, but at least I get to work, and it is not complete bed rest.

5 weeks to 34.... I can make it!!!!

Pregnancy Health Update

Well, I received a large amount of good news last week. I had been told the month before that one of my babies had a cyst on her brain. I wanted to thank the many people that prayed for her, because it is now gone. I do believe in the power of prayer, and believe that your many prayers helped her overcome this. She has no damage from the cyst and is doing just as well as her sister.

I went in on the 10th of this month, and they told me that bit of good news. They also are happy with their growth and weight, which is now 2 lbs 3 oz and 2 lbs 5 oz. It is a blessing that they are now doing better, and I could not be happier to know that the problem of the cyst is gone.

I have had some problems currently though. I went into early labor on the 11th, but it was stopped. I now have to take a medication to keep me from having contractions and have to now anticipate going on bed rest soon. God, I hope not. It is a little scary, but I know that we will be fine in the end. And, no matter what, it will all be worth it. Even if I wind up loosing a little sanity by being placed on bed rest. :)

Well, just wanted to update everyone on what is going on.

Alyssa and Sierra, know that mommy and daddy love you very much, and we can not wait to meet you.

Love,
Tabby

Not Broken, Expanded

My husband and I come from two different types of families. In his family, no one has had a divorce, and many of them are not close. It hurts me to see that they are not like my own family, and provides much confusion for my husband because he is not familiar with the complexities of how my family is arranged.

Many people would say that I come from a broken home. That something broke in the family unit. I consider myself lucky. I get to have not just one set of parents, but two. I get to have not just one mom, but in a way I get to have 2. My daughters get to have 3 sets of grandparents instead of 2, (yikes, boy will they be spoiled :) ). My daughters and I get an extra amount of love than people with just one set of parents. So, is my home broken, in an essence yes. My parents do not live together anymore so I do not have what use to be a typical family where both the mother and father live under the same roof. However, I prefer to look at it as a expanded family. I have extra brothers and sisters, and an extra set of people that can love and support my sisters and I.

I can consider myself lucky. I have my mom, who I know loves me very much, and I have my dad's wife, Anne, who also loves and treats me like a daughter. I am blessed, and have come to determine that God decided I needed the extra love and support that a stepmother can provide. And, when the time comes that my mother can meet someone that she wants to spend the rest of her life with, I will also get a stepfather as well. I am lucky this way, and so will my daughters. So, as you can see, my childhood was not in a broken home, just in a home that grew to need 2 houses.

Alyssa and Sierra, I know that I have not met you yet, but I can not wait too, and know always that you have the love of all of your grandparents, and especially the love of your parents. Can't wait to see you.

Love,
Tabby

Another reason to feel blessed

As mentioned in my last post, I do feel as if I am lucky.

I wanted to mention about a couple more people that have been blessings. I am sorry if this is bothersome to people, but it does help when I am feeling low to be able to count on my blessings and to be able to remember those special to me.

These people are Shaun Timmons and Phillip Timmons. Phillip has always been there for me. There are not many people that I know that I can depend on at any time, and Phillip is one of them for me. He has stepped into the role of being another parent for my sisters and myself many time when my own father was unable to be there. I know consistently that he is there, and it helps to know that I can turn to him. I love you Pickles!!! LOL. Thank you again for always being there.

Shaun, well, what can I say. He takes after his father. He makes me laugh when I am down, and has been more like a brother than a cousin. Just like Phillip, he is dependable and always is able to put a smile on my face. He is a good father to his children, and I know in many ways my husband is looking to him as to how to be a father when our children come.

With these two men, and the many others that have helped, Gary has plenty of people to look to as role models. I know that it helps him because he can observe what his role will need to be, and to have such fine examples of parenting in my family, I can truly say that we are blessed.

Now all I have to do is convince him that he is going to be a great father..... :) With Gary's caring nature, I am sure that he will be.

A Very Special Mom...

My life has been very blessed in many ways. I have a husband I love more and more each day, friends that I can depend on, and many family members that I can look to as role models.

I just wanted to take a few minutes to recognize one that is an example to me as to how I need to be as a mom.

Her name is Amy. I have posted her picture on this blog. She is without a doubt a wonderful, loving, strong person. What she has had to deal with with her children, she does without a doubt. She consistently just does what she needs to, and in many ways, this is above and beyond what anyone should have to deal with. Her oldest has medical problems, and unfortunately, she just lost her youngest (Ava). Kaden may have his medical problems, but by the loving support of his parents, his is one of the brightest, happiest, most caring children that I have ever had the experience to meet. She is truly amazing, and shows everyday the true power of love through her children. I only hope that I can be as good of a mother as she is to her children.

I just wanted to take the time to recognize how wonderful she is. I love you very much Amy, and am glad that I have the opportunity to mention just how special you are. Your children are very blessed to have you as a mom.

Amy, know and understand that Gary and I love and support you. We wish you all the best, and look up to you and your husband as prime examples parents should be.